My Dentist has Taste

I say this because he gave me a Steampunk dental tool.

See?

I don't think that was his intention, but what else am I to think when I get given a copper looking metal tool-y thing that looks like an obscure sort of probe or mini-blowtorch?

The mundane definition for it is a tool for cleaning your gums and the areas around your teeth.  Yay healthy teeth.

I prefer to think I'm dressed in a dashingly brown coat studded with rivets and I'm trapped in the iron fortress of Gaspard Henessey and I have only my easily concealed mini-blowtorch to help me escape.

That's a far more entertaining picture than me sitting on my computer picking my teeth.

Sorry.

(oh!  And my name could be something exciting like Riviera Washington, or Four-Shadow Sue.  So much more fun!)

Once Upon a Time: The Moonmaiden and the Jeweler's Apprentice, part 2

Part 1 (In case you missed reading it.  Or would like a refresher.)

Confused and amazed beyond bounds by this strange day, the apprentice trekked back to the forest to see if he could find any trickle of a stream that would provide he and his master with something to drink.  He searched high and he searched low, but everywhere the apprentice jeweler looked he could find no trace of water.  All the usual streams and pools had dried up long ago as the land withered for lack of rain. 

The apprentice searched until nearly dusk, but he found nothing to drink.  His footsteps as he walked back to the village were slow and unsteady, and his tongue felt thick and coarse in his mouth.  The bag of pearls weighed heavy in his pocket and for a moment the apprentice considered selling one or two of them for a drink of water, but he knew it would be in vain: no one else had any water to spare—even for a princely sum. 

By the time the apprentice returned to his master’s house he was staggering with thirst and his head was hot and feverish.  All he wanted was a glass of cool water—nay, a sip of cool water would do.  A sliver of liquid to soften the desert in his throat.  The apprentice realized that if he did not die from thirst soon, he would surely go mad from it first. 

Having no hope in his heart the apprentice prepared for bed, saying his prayers as best he could.  And whether from whim or a strange fever-induced desire, the apprentice took a few of the pearls from the velvet bag and laid them on the table next to his bed.  Their brilliance lit up his eyes and smoothed down the path to sleep, and sleep he did. 

Time passed and the moon rose high over the village.  The moonlight shone through his open window and bathed the pearls in glory, making each appear to be a moon entire and capable of lighting the earth themselves. 

Their light was so great the apprentice awoke, sure that dawn had already arisen.  But what he saw was not the warm rosy light of dawn.

The whole of his room was filled with pure white light that somehow shimmered with indescribable colors the like of which the apprentice had only ever seen in his dreams.  Most of the light seemed to be coming from the pearls, but as he turned his head to look around the apprentice suddenly realized that someone was sitting at the foot of his bed.

It was a beautiful girl, dark haired with skin as pale as the moon.  She seemed to glow with the same internal fire as the pearls and the apprentice could not think of a word to say.  In fact, he had the niggling suspicion that thirst had indeed driven him mad and that this was no more than a fever-dream.  But the girl spoke to him.

‘What are you doing with my father’s pearls?’

The apprentice blinked in confusion.  ‘Your father?’ he croaked.

‘Those are my father’s pearls.  How did you get them?’

‘This afternoon.  I—he gave them—he—‘ and the apprentice started coughing and could not stop and grew so lightheaded that he fainted.

When he came to the girl was sitting right next to him, bathing his forehead with a cool cloth.  ‘Drink,’ she said, holding a cup to his lips. The apprentice did as he was told and nearly fainted again—this time from ecstasy—as cool clean water passed his lips and slid its way down his throat. 

‘How, where—‘

‘I drew it from the well—you had no water in the house.’

‘The well is dry.’  The apprentice objected.

‘I needed water.’  And the girl smiled at him.  Amazed and dazzled the apprentice continued drinking the water, unwilling to let even a drop of it go to waste.  When he had finished the girl helped him sit up all the way.

‘Where did you come from?’ the apprentice could not help but ask.

‘From my father’s house,’ was her reply.

‘But how did you know I had his pearls?’

‘I could see their light and I followed it.’  She looked out the window and then back at the apprentice.  ‘I can’t stay much longer.  Tomorrow night, you must put out the pearls exactly as you did this night, and I will find you again.’

The apprentice nodded and at that moment the moonlight left the room and all was dim as normal night.  Blinking hard to clear his eyes, the apprentice could no longer see the strange girl and he wondered if he had been dreaming. 

But to one side of his bed remained a damp cloth and a pitcher of water.

Once Upon a Time: The Moonmaiden and the Jeweler's Apprentice, part 1

Once upon a time there was a jeweler's apprentice who worked very hard for his master.  In the mornings he got up very early to sweep out the workroom and the shop and prepare everything for the customers that never came.  The land had been suffering from a drought for many years and few people had enough to eat, let alone enough to buy intricately made jewelry.  But the Jeweler and his apprentice waited patiently for their fortunes to change.  For in years gone by the Jeweler had been highly sought after and paid princely sums for his wondrous creations.  But now the Jeweler could only imagine the fantastical things he wanted to make, and all the apprentice could do was sweep the shop in the morning, and then go out looking for roots or berries in the forest to supplement their meager supply of food.

One day while out looking for late season berries, the apprentice came across a richly dressed man on a horse who seemed to be in some trouble as to which way he should go.

'Come here, boy.'  The man called out to him.  'Tell me where the nearest village is, for I have lost my way.'

The apprentice politely bowed to the man--who was surely a noble--and said, 'The village is not far, milord.  An it please thee, I will lead you to it.'  They traveled a short way through the forest and soon arrived at the village. 

'Good,' said the man on the horse.  'But now my horse is thirsty.  Where is the well?'  The apprentice bowed again and motioned for the man to follow him.  But when they reached the well there was a great commotion among the villagers, for their well had finally dried up after these many years of drought.

The apprentice turned back to the nobleman and said, 'The village well is dry, milord.  But if you will follow me, there should be water enough for your horse at my master's house.'  The apprentice did not mention that there would only be water enough for the horse: after that was gone, the apprentice and his master would have nothing left.  The man on the horse nodded curtly and continued following the apprentice back to the Jeweler's shop where his horse did indeed drink up the last of the water.

'What is the name of your Master?' the man asked the apprentice.

'Master Jeweler Borov, milord.'

'And does your master have much work for you?'

'As much as can be had in this drought, milord.'

'A pretty reply, but your manners do you and your master credit--even in these fallen times.  You have been of great aid to me.   What is it that you desire above all, boy?'

The apprentice was greatly confused.  But he answered in all seriousness, 'Rain, milord.  I would have rain.'

The man snorted in disbelief.  'You do not ask for the riches of the earth?  Everlasting life and the youth to enjoy it?  What you desire above all is rain?'

'What would I do with riches, milord?  My master and I might live comfortably for a while--but how would that serve us when all around us perish from this drought?  And what would I do with everlasting life, milord?  It seems to be a great evil when all that you are assured of is seeing those around you perish from the passage of time.  I know you jest, milord, when you ask me what I want above all.  But I would have rain.'

The man stared at him for some time.  Whatever he saw seemed to please him for he laughed as he swung himself onto his horse.  'You would have rain?  That is beyond my power, little one.  But perhaps you and your master might make use of these?'  And before he rode off he tossed to the apprentice a small velvet sack the kind of which precious jewels are kept in.  Waving away the dust of the man's passage, the apprentice pulled open the mouth of the bag and upended it into his hand.

Out spilled pearl after pearl of perfect luminescence and iridescent fire--each like the brilliant glow of the moon in its nightly journey across the sky.  Never had the apprentice seen such magnificence, and when he showed the pearls to his master, even he could not recall seeing anything like them.  The old man's heart wept within him to see such divine inspiration come to him at the end of his days.  What wonders he could have designed when he was a younger man!  But now his plans were like dust in his mouth, and finally he began to weep openly as the apprentice carefully put each pearl back in its velvet bag.

'What would you have with them?' the apprentice asked.

'Nothing.  They will have nothing to do with me.' was his master's strange reply.  'You must decide how best to use them.'  Saying this, the master walked slowly up the stairs to his bedchamber where he shut the door, even though it was only 2 in the afternoon.


To be continued

part 2

Friday Free-write: Something to Come Home To.

Far far away under golden trees and auburn skies, there lived a small family.  They sang to the dawn each morning to tell it hello, we're glad to see you again.  The dawn was glad to see them too.  It never liked being far away but it only got to spend a small time with the family.  After dawn was day and dusk and night, and only then did dawn come around again just in time to hear singing as it came up over the horizon.  It wasn't much, but it made him soar.

Once Upon a Time...

There was an evil witch-Queen who had an entire land under her dominion.  You can imagine that her dominion was quite large.  Every day she committed exceedingly evil acts against her subjects until they grew so tired of it that they hired a dragon to eat her.

The dragon ate her, but it got indigestion, which was rather unfortunate since now it couldn't fly away and the subjects had to take care of it until it got better.  Only the dragon never got better which is about what you should expect when you eat an evil witch-Queen.  She's not the sort to sit quietly anywhere, especially not in your digestive tract.

So the dragon decided to go on a quest to quiet his fractious innards, only where to start?  And if he couldn't fly, how was he to get there?  Walking, was the general consensus, but the dragon had an idea: what if he swam instead?  That would be much faster and much easier.  So he dragged himself over to the river (unintentionally squashing several trees and goats) and jumped in. 

After several days, the water level was finally back to where it was supposed to be, and the dragon began to float downstream.  It was very pleasant at first but soon the dragon realized that it was very boring.  But before he could haul himself over a bank to get out of the river, his stomach twanged.   Then it twanged again and he was filled with more agony than he had ever felt before.  He also passed out.  When he awoke, it was to find with some confusion that he had turned into a lima bean.

Well, what do you expect when you swallow an evil witch-Queen?

Once upon a time...

There was a duck.  A very happy duck.  It ducked around everything and therefore got a reputation of being a rather ducky dodger.  Despite this, it still enjoyed the finer things of life: mainly ducking.  And sometimes yodeling. 

So our yodeling duck sets out one day to find out what happened to his set of collectable marbles.  The duck had a hunch that his evil nemesis Meerkat Steffan had stolen his collectable marbles.  (I suppose Meerkat Steffan thought they were very collectable).  So the duck went out to beard Meerkat Steffan in his lair.  (the bearding required the used of a small shovel, some chloroform, a fake beard, and lots of glue).  Unfortunately, after bearding Meerkat Steffan, the duck still couldn't find his set of collectable marbles.  He then thought it best to make a quick escape before the chloroform wore off.

Wandering dejected around the fjords of Norway, the duck decided that the only thing to do would be to join the French foreign legion in order that he could travel the world and find out what happened to his set of collectable marbles. 

Ironically, it was only after he joined up that he realized he was carrying the marbles in his pocket.  Imagine his consternation...

I said imagine it!

Good.

So now our consternated duck had to form a plan to escape the French foreign legion without getting shot as a deserter.  (the commanding officer had a thing for duck a'lorange.  He also had a thing about the men nicking his desserts and then running off with them to eat in secret.  He was a very paranoid man)

Fortunately, the foreign legion were staying in the shadow of a great mountain topped with lots of snow, and this provided the perfect opportunity for our entrepreneurial duck.  He managed to get picket duty high on the slopes of the mountain (sadly he had to trade away three of his collectable marbles to do this) whereupon he began to yodel.  He yodeled high, he yodeled low, and he even yodeled in middle C.  But the mountain refused to drop its load of snow.  The other soldiers were starting to notice something off, however, and the duck knew he didn't have a lot of time. 

So he pulled out his weapon of last resort: the mating cry of the double nosed flat-footed Archip.  (a sound so powerful, so shiver-inducing, so horrifying, that the double nosed flat-footed Archips went completely deaf as a survival mechanism)

Plugging his own ears with the remainder of his marble collection, the duck let loose the mating cry.  The mountain shivered on its base, the soldiers cried out in horrified agony, and the snow on top of the mountain was so terrified that it sublimated straight into a gas.  Although the duck had been hoping for an avalanche, the copious amount of fog suited him just fine and he strolled away back home.  (only after finding his three marbles that he had bribed another soldier with and taking them back while the man was still in shock).

The end


This completely spontaneous story was brought to you by the Society for the Preservation of Archips.