The Bourne Legacy Review

Downsides to letting your brain talk back to you

'me going up into the spider infested attic to fetch something for parents'

I'm fine, I'm fine.  It's safe, I'm safe--

'other half of my brain refuses to stay silent'

Lies.  Bold faced lies.

'whimper.'

I pledge myself to the Zombie Brotherhood, and solemnly swear not to eat a fellow member...

There is just one thing that puzzles me about Zombie movies.

'Only one thing?  How can that be?  Is it that you don't believe in Zombies?'

Nope.

'Is it that you don't think its possible for a disease to spread that quickly?'

Nope.

'Do you not believe that the undead would be hungry for flesh?'

Nope.

'Then what is it??'

Why don't Zombies eat each other?  Or themselves?  I mean, if we've gone through all the trouble of putting on our Suspenders of Disbelief and watching a Zombie movie why can't the plot at least be consistent inside its own world?  All right, we've got the undead walking around starving for human flesh (I've never seen them chasing dogs or cats, have you?  Or hanging out in supermarkets eating all the raw meat) so for some reason they've turned cannibalistic, but for another strange reason they won't eat each other?  Why?  It's like a walking buffet.

'Shuffle shuffle' 'groan' oh look, that guy next to me seems tasty 'munch munch' 'shuffle shuffle' 'groan'

Are they supposed to be like bears?  Bears won't eat dead things, they like their food fresh that they killed themselves.

So how come when someone is bitten or gnawed on a bit as soon as they Zombify all the other Zombies lose interest in them and move on to new targets?  It's almost instantaneous.  I don't think a bear would be that casual about his food.  'You're dead now?  Good, I get to eat more of you.'

Just once I'd live to see a Zombie movie that treats them more like sharks.  Someone's dead?  Eat them!  Oh wait, I'm dead.  Eat me!  I'm tasty, mmmm.  He's dead too!  Eat him too!  Mmm, tasty dead person.  Flesh! Eat more flesh!

The movie might be shorter then.  All the Zombies wouldn't get very far after they'd eaten each other to bits.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

For Avengers 2 has been green-lit!

And in the wonderful wisdomly wiseness of Marvel they have given it to Joss Whedon again.  :)  :D

Rejoice!

And do not overly mourn the long long long wait we will have to wait.  (2015!)  It will be good, and worth the wait.



Joss also seems to be signed on with Marvel to do something with a tv show.  How intriguing.  Hopefully more news will be forthcoming.



(and on another side note) I just learned that Tom Hardy (Bane, in the new Batman, and a whole host of other well-played roles) is doing a reboot of Mad Max.  Mel Gibson doing crazy was always a favorite of mine, and imagining Tom Hardy doing Mel Gibson-y crazy (or even a new sort of crazy) is a delicious thought.  This has potential.  :)

I feel like smiling, don't you?

Perhaps this will make you smile.

Or maybe you're of a more literary persuasion when it comes to humor:

Or maybe you enjoy science jokes:

Or maybe you just wish that you were having a good time like these people:

I hope at least one of these things made you smile.

If they did not I must conclude that you have no sense of humor.  Sorry.

Listen up, all you folks on the road!

(50’s radio announcer voice)  

A service announcement for all of you out on the road today: today is Bad Driving Day!  Ways of celebrating Bad Driving Day include making at least one bad driving decision every five minutes.  See someone on the road not making a bad driving decision?  Help them out by pulling in front of them without signaling!  It’ll really get them in the mood to celebrate Bad Driving Day properly!  Remember, you don’t want to get caught driving properly on Bad Driving Day.  So don’t drive safely, drive badly! 

Is she fast?

(me, driving along on my paper route this morning)

Wow, this is going great.  I'm doing this really fast today--uncannily fast.  It's like I'm doing the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs!

(yep.  I really did think that)

Happy Birthday!

This isn't much of a post mostly because its sole purpose is to wish Peter O'Toole a happy birthday.

Happy Birth Day Peter O'Toole!  We are so very very happy you were born 80 years ago and are still alive today.

Please stay alive as long as possible.

Thanks.  :)

August Movie Bonanza!!!!!

(only crazy people ever use that many exclamation points)

(huh)

It's August!  And that means more movies are coming out!

Well, there's always more movies coming out.  I just find it easier to think about them on a monthly basis.  'Quork?'

That made no sense.  Moving on.


Bourne Legacy: Opens August 10th.  You might be excited about this.  You might not.  There are reasonable arguments for both sides.  You might be excited because this is a new Bourne movie.  You might be angry because it's not actually about Jason Bourne but this new guy 'Aaron Cross' (aka Jeremy Renner whose shown himself to have very decent acting chops as well as action chops (how many chops are there?  And since chops either refers to some sort of ability or your jaw area, how many jaws can you have?  Freaky))  I'm excited.  The Bourne series has always had good plots and good acting and good action, so I'm willing to stake some hope on it.

And the most recent trailer is awesome.  Just saying.

Hope Springs: August 10th as well.  This is an 'I'll watch it on DVD if at all' sort of movie.  And that's based solely on it being Tommy Lee Jones.  And Meryl Streep.  And the premise being sort of funny and not all that bad.  So yeah.  I think it could be worth a little time of my life.  Might even get slotted into the 'enjoyable' section.  :)

Expendables 2: Ausust 17th.  I don't know what you're expecting, but I hope it's not plot.  I'm not expecting plot.  I'm expecting explosions--lots of explosions.  And knives.  And guns.  And cool action movie kicks.  And the greatest lineup of action movie stars since Expendables 1.  Shiny.

The Odd Life of Timothy Green: August 17th.  A married couple who haven't been able to have a kid write down lots of wishes in a box and bury it in their backyard.  Voila!  A small boy covered in dirt shows up in their house and claims to be their son.  Do we question this?  No!  It is magic!  It is wonderful!  It is a fairy tale that looks like lots of fun and snuggly moments.  :)

Premium Rush: August 25th.  Watch Joseph Gordon-Levitt on a bicycle get chased around the city by an angry corrupt cop.  If the trailer is anything to go on there will be cool bicycle tricks.  I do not think this is a 'must see in a theater' movie, so I'll wait very patiently to see it on DVD.

Lawless: August 31st.  Period movie!  Prohibition!  Tom Hardy and Shia Lebeof selling illegal liquor!  Lots of machine guns and angry government people in cool suits and hats!  Yep.  Again, not much of a 'must see now' sort of thing--I think--but this is one I'll be waiting a little more impatiently for.


August movie bonanza!