Is she fast?

(me, driving along on my paper route this morning)

Wow, this is going great.  I'm doing this really fast today--uncannily fast.  It's like I'm doing the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs!

(yep.  I really did think that)

Plethora of Possums

And you know what that means--

More Possum Haikus!


Little Possum rush--
you have things to do tonight,
like not getting killed.


I slow for possum
he reverses direction
I must wait longer.


Possum foraging--
have you found anything good
that you want to eat?


Slink away Possum
into the tall grass and hide
from the death that drives.

Na na na na na na na na BatFail!

Yes.  That's supposed to be a Batman symbol.  I think.







And here's another lovely picture of something I pass everyday while I work:

Or as I prefer to call it: Ood Way.  This way to the Oods!  This is the Ood way of living!  Only Oods live here!

Quite right too.

Aieeeee!!!

As I travel abroad I fear for the safety and well-being of Roger and myself; it seems everywhere I look I see the black-striped forms of skunks--perilous as such a sight is, they are horribly adorable--and as they waddle away from Roger and myself I wait in terrified anticipation for the moment that tail lifts to deliver its near-fatal blow from which it will be difficult to recover.

I pray it never occurs.

Possum Haiku (again)

Is it my fault there
are so many possums to
write haikus about?

hee.

I nearly hit you
Possum on the right road side.
Good thing you turned back.

Commando Bunnies and Other 3am Thoughts

Have you ever seen a bunny try to avoid getting hit by a car?  It's very different from what squirrels do--freeze in place and then make a mad dash for freedom only to freeze up at the very worst time when your wheel rolls over them.  (goodbye squirrel)  No, rabbits run very differently.  They've got the zig-zag pattern down.  They sprint for safety and even when they've reached it they still keep going.  But perhaps the best descriptor I could give them is this: they look like someone just shouted  'Take evasive action!' and the bunny tries desperately to avoid the gunfire it knows is coming.  So it zigs, it zags, it runs really fast then changes direction to confuse you.  You want to know who'd win in a gun fight?  Bunnies every time.

And in case you're out driving late at night and need something to keep your interest going, look for foxes!  Because if you see one you get the great joy of shouting 'View haloo!' and then making lots of hunting horn noises.  You may then keep making hunting horn noises until you tire of it.  Which may be after the first two attempts at a hunting horn noise, or it might be after ten minutes of satisfactory bugling.  You decide.  :)

Surprise! You have calluses!

That title is slightly inaccurate.  I have no idea if you have calluses.

But I do!  (not sure if I'm actually excited.  Just felt like the statement deserved more than a period)

It was to my great surprise early this morning that I ran my fingers over my hands and felt little lumps right under the top crease of my middle fingers.  I realized instantly what had happened but it was still a surprise that it had happened:  I drive so much now that I got calluses from where my hands most often touch the steering wheel.  Apparently most of the pressure and friction is on that spot.  Calluses.  Who'd of thunk?

I didn't.  

I'm just glad I didn't get blisters.  I hate blisters.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

All right, worst things first:

I hit a bunny rabbit.  The one thing I specifically didn't want to to (other than hit a deer) was hit a bunny rabbit!!  And do you know what it did?  It ran under my tire!  It was horrible.  I was very very upset.  I might have taken out a little of my unhappiness on Roger (sorry Roger) and pounded his steering wheel several times.  This made me very sad.

But strangely enough the day had one good thing in store for me: my favorite flower is back!  I saw it blooming on the side of the road and I was soooo happy that the seasons have progressed enough for Chicory to bloom again.  Now I can look forward to an entire summer of seeing it everywhere.  :)  This is a good day.

Chicory!

It is my favorite flower ever.  I don't care if most people would call it a weed.  It is beautiful and it loves to grow on road sides where no other plant likes to grow.  Chicory thrives on bad soil and eventually makes bad soil into nicer soil where other things can grow.

Haiku and Moon

Haiku for a Less Creepy Possum

Less Creepy Possum,
What is so interesting
That you are sniffing?



I saw the moon today as big as glory and as thin as a sliver of ice.  A star danced just out of reach as clouds tried to hide them.  It was beautiful.

Add it to the list

I've nearly run over a lot of animals since I started doing my paper route.  Squirrels, Rabbits, Raccoons, Mice, Foxes, Deer, That Creepy Possum, a Chicken (hee).  You know.  The usuals.

Today I got to add Turkey to my pantheon of 'Almost Road Kill.'  Turkey!  Just one, and fortunately it stayed on its side of the road and let me not hit it.  That would have been very sad.  Not as sad as hitting a bunny--but then, few things are.

Turkey!

Things I've learned from jobs I've done

1. Always be polite no matter who you're talking to.
            --I knew this one already before I ever drew a paycheck but it really came home to me after I saw the sheer negativity you have to swallow down when you're in a job.  I've been a busser, a phon-a-thon caller, a cashier, a janitor (and many more) and I can honestly say that your day becomes a lot brighter and easier to bear when the people you're trying to help take a moment and say thank you, or just give you a nice smile.  It doesn't take much on your part to make someone's day that much better so why not take that extra second and be polite to your cashier?

2.  Always put your trash in the garbage (and always use a garbage bag).
          --Again, things that I knew already.  But when I was a janitor I learned just how many people didn't seem to care if they just left enormous amounts of old food and other garbage on every surface.  They didn't pick it up because they knew you would.  Please people, be considerate.  The garbage is right there.  It's enough work to clean a room even without your extra mess.  Also, don't ever put trash in a bin without a liner of some sort.  That gets disgusting really quickly and adds a ton of horrible smelling work for the person who now has to clean out that trash can.  I've been less than perfect with my cleanliness habits before and in places like hotels there is always the lazy impulse that 'someone else will clean it up.'  I've been that someone else, and I swore that I'd remember what it was like on the other side of that sentiment.

3.  Don't park in front of a mailbox.
        --Admittedly this is something I never thought about until I got a job as a paper-deliverer.  I never thought about mailboxes and how I should be careful not to park too near them because it would make it difficult for the person who has to deliver the mail.  Well, now that I'm the person who has to deliver papers, I'm thinking about it!  Isn't that the way of things?  We never really think about things until they effect us.

Names

You may have noticed I've got a thing for names.  Names are fun!  But it's more than names--I love words.  Words and meanings and descriptions and the taste of it as you say it.  Names are just words of a specific sort.

So it makes me really happy when I see that a name of something is actually true:

Elm Street actually has elms on it.

There's a lake on Lake Shore Drive.

And yes, that was a deer running on Deer Run.  Boo-yah.



I will also tell you of the creepy possum I saw last night.

Haiku for a Creepy Possum

Oh Creepy Possum
Unusual sized Rodent
Stop staring at Me.


It was sitting in the middle of the road and I almost ran over it because, well, it was just sitting there--so I swerved around it and all it did was turn its head and watch me go as if it was saying 'Yeah.  You better run.  My creepy stare would kill you if  you stuck around any longer.'

No creepy possum.  In the game of car bumper vs. creepy possum stare the car bumper wins.  Every time.

Except when I swerve around you. That's sort of a tie.

But it really reminded me of The Princess Bride and the ROUSes.  The possum is probably the largest rodent in North America and the possum I saw definitely wins the 'I'd tear off your arm and eat you alive' creepy rodent award.

Gaaagghghh.

Things my mind comes up with at 5 in the morning

I have a job now.  Jobs are cool.  But my job requires that I stay up very late/early and go to sleep at 6-7 in the morning when I finish my job.  So while I'm out there driving my paper route and doing my best not to hit things while simultaneously rolling papers and sticking them into boxes and reading my directions and being very thankful that no one else is on the road at the same time as me--I often have strange thoughts pop into my head.

Not that that's all that different from other times.  I think we all know that my head is very strange.

But the very strange thought that popped into my mind was this:  'Oooh!  Bunny!  Don't hit it!  Wow, bunnies are fast...bunny races!'

In case you didn't follow that: I almost hit a bunny (there are so many of them and they are all so cute and fuzzy and their little tails are so adorable I could just die.  That is all) but managed to avoid hitting it not only thanks to my excellent driving skills (aaaaaaaahhhhhh don't hit the bunny!) but because that rabbit was just so ridiculously fast.  Which led to the inevitable, 'I wonder how fast they can run,' which led to the, 'It would be so cool to see two rabbits race each other,' which will eventually lead to my convincing a good friend to let me borrow her rabbits and try to race them.  Please?