The Bourne Legacy Review

I pledge myself to the Zombie Brotherhood, and solemnly swear not to eat a fellow member...

There is just one thing that puzzles me about Zombie movies.

'Only one thing?  How can that be?  Is it that you don't believe in Zombies?'

Nope.

'Is it that you don't think its possible for a disease to spread that quickly?'

Nope.

'Do you not believe that the undead would be hungry for flesh?'

Nope.

'Then what is it??'

Why don't Zombies eat each other?  Or themselves?  I mean, if we've gone through all the trouble of putting on our Suspenders of Disbelief and watching a Zombie movie why can't the plot at least be consistent inside its own world?  All right, we've got the undead walking around starving for human flesh (I've never seen them chasing dogs or cats, have you?  Or hanging out in supermarkets eating all the raw meat) so for some reason they've turned cannibalistic, but for another strange reason they won't eat each other?  Why?  It's like a walking buffet.

'Shuffle shuffle' 'groan' oh look, that guy next to me seems tasty 'munch munch' 'shuffle shuffle' 'groan'

Are they supposed to be like bears?  Bears won't eat dead things, they like their food fresh that they killed themselves.

So how come when someone is bitten or gnawed on a bit as soon as they Zombify all the other Zombies lose interest in them and move on to new targets?  It's almost instantaneous.  I don't think a bear would be that casual about his food.  'You're dead now?  Good, I get to eat more of you.'

Just once I'd live to see a Zombie movie that treats them more like sharks.  Someone's dead?  Eat them!  Oh wait, I'm dead.  Eat me!  I'm tasty, mmmm.  He's dead too!  Eat him too!  Mmm, tasty dead person.  Flesh! Eat more flesh!

The movie might be shorter then.  All the Zombies wouldn't get very far after they'd eaten each other to bits.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

For Avengers 2 has been green-lit!

And in the wonderful wisdomly wiseness of Marvel they have given it to Joss Whedon again.  :)  :D

Rejoice!

And do not overly mourn the long long long wait we will have to wait.  (2015!)  It will be good, and worth the wait.



Joss also seems to be signed on with Marvel to do something with a tv show.  How intriguing.  Hopefully more news will be forthcoming.



(and on another side note) I just learned that Tom Hardy (Bane, in the new Batman, and a whole host of other well-played roles) is doing a reboot of Mad Max.  Mel Gibson doing crazy was always a favorite of mine, and imagining Tom Hardy doing Mel Gibson-y crazy (or even a new sort of crazy) is a delicious thought.  This has potential.  :)

Is she fast?

(me, driving along on my paper route this morning)

Wow, this is going great.  I'm doing this really fast today--uncannily fast.  It's like I'm doing the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs!

(yep.  I really did think that)

August Movie Bonanza!!!!!

(only crazy people ever use that many exclamation points)

(huh)

It's August!  And that means more movies are coming out!

Well, there's always more movies coming out.  I just find it easier to think about them on a monthly basis.  'Quork?'

That made no sense.  Moving on.


Bourne Legacy: Opens August 10th.  You might be excited about this.  You might not.  There are reasonable arguments for both sides.  You might be excited because this is a new Bourne movie.  You might be angry because it's not actually about Jason Bourne but this new guy 'Aaron Cross' (aka Jeremy Renner whose shown himself to have very decent acting chops as well as action chops (how many chops are there?  And since chops either refers to some sort of ability or your jaw area, how many jaws can you have?  Freaky))  I'm excited.  The Bourne series has always had good plots and good acting and good action, so I'm willing to stake some hope on it.

And the most recent trailer is awesome.  Just saying.

Hope Springs: August 10th as well.  This is an 'I'll watch it on DVD if at all' sort of movie.  And that's based solely on it being Tommy Lee Jones.  And Meryl Streep.  And the premise being sort of funny and not all that bad.  So yeah.  I think it could be worth a little time of my life.  Might even get slotted into the 'enjoyable' section.  :)

Expendables 2: Ausust 17th.  I don't know what you're expecting, but I hope it's not plot.  I'm not expecting plot.  I'm expecting explosions--lots of explosions.  And knives.  And guns.  And cool action movie kicks.  And the greatest lineup of action movie stars since Expendables 1.  Shiny.

The Odd Life of Timothy Green: August 17th.  A married couple who haven't been able to have a kid write down lots of wishes in a box and bury it in their backyard.  Voila!  A small boy covered in dirt shows up in their house and claims to be their son.  Do we question this?  No!  It is magic!  It is wonderful!  It is a fairy tale that looks like lots of fun and snuggly moments.  :)

Premium Rush: August 25th.  Watch Joseph Gordon-Levitt on a bicycle get chased around the city by an angry corrupt cop.  If the trailer is anything to go on there will be cool bicycle tricks.  I do not think this is a 'must see in a theater' movie, so I'll wait very patiently to see it on DVD.

Lawless: August 31st.  Period movie!  Prohibition!  Tom Hardy and Shia Lebeof selling illegal liquor!  Lots of machine guns and angry government people in cool suits and hats!  Yep.  Again, not much of a 'must see now' sort of thing--I think--but this is one I'll be waiting a little more impatiently for.


August movie bonanza!

Na na na na na na na na BatFail!

Yes.  That's supposed to be a Batman symbol.  I think.







And here's another lovely picture of something I pass everyday while I work:

Or as I prefer to call it: Ood Way.  This way to the Oods!  This is the Ood way of living!  Only Oods live here!

Quite right too.

7 Terrible Movies I Can't Get Enough Of

I'm talking about the worst of the worst.  The ones with almost no redeeming value except how fun they are.  And even that is debatable.

These are the movies with flaws.  If they were people you might go as far as to say that they 'have a great personality.'  Or that they 'try really hard.'  As someone who has probably been damned with this faint praise in her lifetime, I hold a special affinity for movies like this.

Also my suspenders of disbelief are massively large and well-sprung.

Or you could say that I'm more like a five year old child than I should be, and I relish watching movies in the way they were meant to be enjoyed.  And sometimes for their unintentional hilarities.

In no particular order:

Doom:  Karl Urban, Rosamund Pike, and The Rock killing evil mutated monsters in a creepy network of tunnels.  Based off the early computer game of the same name.  This statement pretty much sums up why this movie is awful.  It was based off a first person shooter from the early days of computer games (I remember my relatives playing it--I always got a kick out of the part where the bad guys exploded and an eyeball went flying by) and it has The Rock in a lead role.  Do you expect much plot?  Do you expect good character development?  No?  Then you might just last through this highly entertaining ridiculousness.  Besides, if you're willing to give it a shot you might see why I like it: Karl Urban playing a protective older brother to his awesome scientist sister Rosamund Pike.  The tension filled relationship between the two make this movie far better than it ought to be.

Hulk: Not The Hulk, not The Incredible Hulk: just Hulk.  Yeah.  It's that bad.  Eric Bana and Jennifer Connolly star in Ang Lee's horrible flop.  It didn't have to flop.  It might not have flopped (I don't say it would have been amazing or even considered as good as the superhero movies that are coming out now) if not for one thing: the horrible horrible idea someone had to shoot it 'comic book style.'  As in, most scenes are shot with multiple cameras and put onto the screen at the same time with the look of a comic book.  But what works for a comic book fails miserably on a tv screen.  You don't know where to look and you can't really sink into the story.  But I can defend my liking for this movie like this: the acting in it was truly good and far better than the second attempt to reboot the Hulk with Edward Norton and Liv Tyler.  (seriously?  Replacing Jennifer Connolly with Liv Tyler?  Get your head checked, people).  And while it's difficult to watch, when you remember watching it later you don't see the strange double/triple screen shots and all you remember wast that it was a pretty decent movie.

The Shadow:  Alec Baldwin playing a superhero who uses mind powers to turn mostly invisible--except for his shadow.  Ian McKellan plays an absent minded scientist.  Tim Curri is an obnoxious scientist.  The Shadow must thwart the last descendant of Genghis Khan who wants to blow up New York with an atomic bomb.  Boo-yah.  This is camp.  This is over the top.  This is sheer ridiculousness.  This is terrible script writing.  This is so much fun.  The original Shadow was a radio drama.  'What evil lurks in the hearts of man?   The Shadow knows!!'  :)

Aeon Flux:  I've mentioned this movie already on my sappy movie night post.  It's bad scifi with Charlize Theron and Marton Czokas (criminally underused actor).  Their love story is the only really good part of the movie.  Along with the costume design.  And the set design.  Oh it's just so pretty you should watch it anyway!  Just try to ignore the plot holes.  And the way nothing is really explained.  Hoike your suspenders up and prepare for a good time.

Willow:  Most of you might know of Willow.  For the rest of you I'll sum it up thusly: a fantasy romp with Warwick Davis and Val Kilmer trying to fight the evil Queen Bavmorda to save a baby princess.  Along the way they meet trolls and brownies and a good fairy and the amazing disappearing pink dress.  (Similar in a way to the ever-tightening pants of David Bowie in Labyrinth).  There's action!  Adventure!  Terrible acting! Terrible lines you'll remember and want to use over and over again!  Funfunfunfun....

Surf Ninjas: You will never see this movie.  You'll never be able to find this movie.  But I watched it so many times growing up that now I own a dvd copy of it.  Want to know what it's about?  Read that title again.  Yes my friend.  This movie is about surfing ninjas.  In a fake country called Patousan.  'Pa-tou-san.'  Heh.  And it contains such immortal gems of wisdom such as 'Money can't buy knives.'  And an immortal rendition of 'Babaram' set to the tune of 'Barbara Ann.'  Horrible horrible 90's movie, where would my childhood be without you?

Van Helsing:  Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale, David Wenham, in one of the most ridiculous vampire movies ever.  It takes all the old supernatural gothic tropes and it shoves them into one movie in what might have been an attempt at an homage, but just turns into sheer strangeness.  Although this Dracula and his sexy hairclip is possibly my favorite dracula.  Just because.


Now go out and be horrified by what they world has in store for you!  And do try to enjoy yourself.

I feel a sappy movie night coming on

I'm a girl.

(That really shouldn't surprise you.)

I might like swords and knives (and guns!  practical clothing!  I hate pink!) and can avidly discuss the many different ways of using them on people's bodies but I have my softer sides too.  :)

I sew things.  I like to cook.  When I do decide to clean I do a good job.  In fact, my domestic skills are pretty top for this day and age and I'm really proud of them.  (thank you Mom.  You're wonderful).

And on occasion I not only am a girl--but I allow myself to act girly.

Cue my planned marathon of some of the most girly rom-com movies ever.  Some good.  Some mildly horrifying to the male gender.  Some that even other girls would consider going too far.

Guess what?  I don't care!  It's wonderful being me and I love all the differing facets of my personality.  Sometimes all I want to do is watch things blow up.  Other times I'm in the mood for heart-wrenching drama (although less often, to be honest).  I like fantasy, sci-fi, even a touch of horror, comedies, dramas, rom-coms, westerns--

The list goes and goes.  I was once told by a friend that I have one of the most eclectic movie collections they'd ever seen.  Whee!!  I love it.

Long ago I gave myself the freedom to not be ashamed of what I liked and let me tell you, life's a whole lot more fun when you enjoy doing what you like to do.

Movie list!!

Dear Frankie: this one tops my list of movies that I want to watch on my Sappy Movie Extravaganza.  It's wonderful.  You should see it if you haven't already.  Unlike the rest of the movies on this list it's actually good and members of the male gender might be able to tolerate it.

The Lake House: irredeemable horrible rom-com fun.  Well, sort of fun.  They mess up the time travel logistics!! ARRGHGGGH!!!  But for some reason I still really enjoy it every time.  Not recommended for casual viewers.

Aeon Flux: horrible.  Terrible.  Everyone hates this movie.  Technically it's a sci-fi action-y flick.  But that parts kinda rubbish (pretty though--that set design!  Those production values!  The costuming!).  In point of fact, my favorite part of that movie is the love story which is very well acted out.  Do not see this movie unless you have a very high tolerance for bad.

Perhaps I'll also pull out my Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan collection.  Because you see, I'm in need of some sappy ridiculousness.

:)

I'm going to have so much fun!

Movie: The Siege

I don't know if anyone remembers this movie.  I don't know if it made much of a splash when it came out in 1998.  I certainly don't remember anyone talking about it then or now.  I might have seen part of it on tv once: one of the scenes was slightly familiar.

But watching this movie now from the vantage point of 2012, all I can think is how horribly predictive it was, and how heart-breakingly sad it is to watch now.

The plot is simple: there are arab terrorists in New York and they are using bombings to try to gain the release of their religious leader whom the American military kidnapped after he directed a bombing on an army base in the middle east.  The FBI (headed by Denzel Washington) does its best to discover and take care of these many threats but they are hampered by both the cultural differences and the US military when martial law is declared in New York city.

Arab extremists.  Bombs.  Hundreds dead.  Terrorist cells.  All of these things made more haunting by the occasion wide shot of New York city with the two towers still standing.

1998.  All this in 1998.  And seeing how Hollywood works, this script could have been in production for up to ten years.  Maybe less, maybe not.  I couldn't say.

This movie--while powerful--wasn't spectacular.  I can see why it isn't particularly remembered now.  (Although Denzel and Tony Shalhoub turn in some great performances)

The reason I tell you of this movie is because it represents something of our history.  Not only 9/11, but of WWII and the camps that interned innocent Japanese Americans.  This is what we can become when fear rules  us.  It is a good thing to be reminded of.





And a very Happy Birthday to Liam Neeson and Karl Urban!  We are glad you are alive and making wonderful movies.  Well, I say we.  At the very least I'm glad.  :)

Things you should really be watching:

Sherlock
Person of Interest
Doctor Who
Avengers (what do you mean it's 'only' a movie and you've seen it already?  Go see it again!)


That's probably good enough for getting on with for now.  Although I always have more...  :)

Yep, me too

I'll give you ten dollars if you can recite to me the rest of this song:

'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts--'

Any takers?  Any?  No?

Well that's all right then.  I don't have ten dollars.  :)

And besides, the only reason you know that song is from The Lion King.  Am I right?  Am I right?

Yep.  Me too.

Boo-yah strange man.  Boo-yah.

You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry

From our lofty vantage point of forty years we find it very easy to make fun of the 70's.  The funny shaggy haircuts.  The bellbottom pants.  Disco.

But several good things did come out of the seventies.  (namely some of us).  Also a tv show that hasn't gotten a lot of attention recently but just might come back into style.  For a few good reasons.

This tv show is titled The Incredible Hulk, and follows the adventures of Dr. David Banner as he searches for a way to cure his condition that makes him turn into a dangerous green monster.

Now onto the reasons why this show will/should see a comeback.

Reason number one: The Avengers movie has been a roaring success by any standard, making people curious about other adaptations of Marvel characters.

Reason number two: It has been stated in several places by Joss Whedon and Mark Ruffalo and even Robert Downey Jr. that the Dr. Banner in The Avengers was meant to resemble the Dr. Banner in the 70's tv show rather than any of the more recent movie adaptations of the comic books. 

Reason number three: the show was actually very very good--and still is. 

Reason number four: it's streaming on Netflix right now.  Easy access!

You know, you might be getting the idea that I'm promoting this old show--and you'd be right.  :)  I'd seen random episodes of it years ago on scifi reruns and I enjoyed it then.  But for some reason I enjoy it even more now and I'm excited to be able to watch it all from start to finish.

All right, it's campy a bit.  (although far less than most shows of that era let me tell you)  And seeing the changeover from Bill Bixby into Lou Ferrigno (or back) is hilarious and just plain odd.  (don't even get me started on how strange Lou Ferrigno is.  All those exactly torn shirts!)  And if you start on the first episode (which I always advocate) you'll have to get past the 70's love montage at the beginning.  I know--I feel your pain.  But it takes a surprising and twisting turn and hooked me solid.

So take a chance, watch an old show, and rediscover one of the better parts of the 70's.  (aside from some of us of course).

Check out the awesome intro!

'Within each of us ofttimes, there dwells a mighty and raging fury.'

(I love it that they still used 'ofttimes' in the seventies)



Traveling man you make me so sad.

What is your favorite sound?

I only ask because someone else has been asking it a lot recently and I still don't know what my answer is.

Hmm?

Who's been asking? 

Why James Lipton of course.

Who?  You don't know who he is?!  (kidding.  I barely know his name)

He's the man who hosts Inside the Actor's Studio.  And I feel like he's been asking this question a lot lately because I just watched a whole slew of the episodes. 

What is the show about, you ask?  I tell you.

Famous actors and actresses and sometimes directors are put on a stage in front of theater/film students and asked questions about their lives and careers etc.  If you have any interest at all in film etc it's a gold mine.

Such aforementioned actors etc. include Harrison Ford, Morgan Freeman, Kate Winslet, Steven Spielberg, Anthony Hopkins, and on and on and on. 

And seeing as we live in a wonderful modern age I found all of these on Youtube.  Happy hunting!

Now to figure out what my favorite sound is...

Avengers! AvengersAvengersAvengers--

Avengers.  Oh yeah. 

Unlike most of the world who turned out for opening weekend last week (sad face) I had to wait soooo long (a week!) to see The Avengers.

ButIjustsawitandtherewerethesegiganticflyingturtlemonstersandohmygoodnessalltheshinycolorsbutintheverybestwayanddiyouseethegiganticflyingturtlemonsters??!!

Whew.  I just had to get that out before I tried to formulate a more coherent response to this movie.

JOSS WHEDON RULES THE WORLD!!!

Umm.  'cough.'  Think I'm good now.

The worst part about a movie like this is the waiting and the hype.  You want it to be good, you so desperately want it to be as good as everyone says but until you sit down and the lights go out there really is no surety that it's as good as you want it to be.

So I went.  I sat down.  The lights went out.  And as I waited through the commercials (btw, I do think Prometheus deserves the best trailer of the year award.  Because every time I see it I get utterly pumped for it--and it's not even high on my list of movies to see in theaters.  And Dark Knight Rises--which I do intend to see in theaters--its trailer seems weak and puny comparatively.  Go figure.) I was hoping and wishing that Joss Whedon wouldn't let me down.  Not that he ever had--but there is always a first time for everything.

Happy to say it still hasn't happened.  :)

The movie--to put it plainly--rocked.  It rocked so hard it made real rocks feel unmanly for not rocking this well.  It had style.  It had panache.  It had heart. 

And it had gigantic flying turtle monsters.  From space.

(try saying that in the 40's announcer voice: Gigantic Flying Turtle Monsters: From Spaaaace!!!)

I know some people will argue that the monsters were more eel-like than turtle-like, but my first view of them was of the head and flippers which were undeniably turtle like. 

I know that if I talk about the big fight at the end some people might get in a miff because they haven't seen it yet (I'm so so sorry) so I'll just do a quickie paragraph with a lot of space before and after it so you can skip the semi-spoilers.












Geek out moment!  So when the GFTM showed up I was bouncing up and down in my seat because it was the coolest thing I'd seen in a long time.  This kind of makes it sound like the rest of the movie wasn't cool--but the GFTM was so amazingly designed and it looked like it was swimming midair and it was soooo cooool!!!  And then when the Hulk smashed it (hee.  fun.) I was kinda sad because although I knew it was a good thing it was dead--no more killing New Yorkers--it was just too cool to die.  But then I saw something to make my heart swell up so much I must have annoyed the person behind me with all my bouncing: GFTM had friends.  :)










Okay.  No more spoilers.  I think. 


Perhaps I should list a breakdown of all the truly excellent things that Joss Whedon did in the Avengers.

Character Development (of course. No Joss movie is complete without character development).  Every character got their time in the sun--some more than others as pertaining to what we needed to know about them: ie Black Widow and Hawkeye.  We got to see each character being themselves and really that's what we wanted to see.

Humor (of course).  So many good moments of both subtle and not-so-subtle.  (and if you haven't seen Avengers already--although I shouldn't have to tell you this--stay to the very end.  The very end.  I do think it's the best joke in the entire movie)

Action.  There was so much going on all throughout the movie and there were so many different main characters that it could have easily become a confusing explosion fest where you're not quite sure who's fighting whom or where or even why.  It didn't.  And that's a testament to good planning and execution on behalf of the pre-vis staff and Joss.  And although I think I've seen more amazing action sequences in my life this movie still ranks really really high.  Besides--Gigantic Flying Turtle Monsters.  (thank you weta)

Everyone truly did an amazing job bringing their characters to life and weaving them together in this very intricate and difficult movie.  I don't think I can say enough good things about it.

I can however mention a few things I wish had been a little different.  I'm quibbling really.  There's no glaring holes or horrible decisions so all I'm left with are little bits of things that weren't quite spot on.

For one: Captain America.  Why did this character get so little development?  Or personality?  I know he's the staid boy-scout type who's a personification of all that is good and right; I'll admit it's hard to move a character along an arc when they seem to have already arrived at 'perfection.'  But it bums me out that we didn't get to see anything out of him as a person.  At least, not like the other characters.  In fact the closest thing we see to character development wasn't even directly about him.  (okay, another spoiler moment, but not really all that big in terms of importance.  Seriously this will ruin nothing)




In the big fight scene at the end we see a blond women run for cover into a building and then look out the window in shock at the explosions and aliens etc.  Pretty standard.  Then a few minutes later we see the same woman again inside a building with lots of people who are about to be incinerated by the aliens.  Captain America is there in time to save the day etc etc--but!  When he is outside the building and the hapless civilians are evacuating we see the same blond woman again staring meaningfully/gratefully at Rogers--and he takes a second to look back at her.  This moment isn't long, mind.  It was extremely quick and as not-a-thing-like as possible.  But it was so a thing.  And then!  And the very end of the movie we see a news feed of that same blond girl!  And she's very thankful and cute and sincere etc etc.  Now if you're me you start getting suspicious at his point.  (actually you got suspicious back at the pause)  This is three separate times we've seen this same 'random' civilian.  That to me means it isn't random and we just saw a love interest go walking by.  Any comic book fans able to yea or nay me?





So as we can see--this was development.  Not really his development--at least not yet.  But still I'm a bit disappointed we weren't given more.  (quibbling, I know)

As for more quibbling I could say some of the scenes were a bit rushed.  Some of the dialogue too expository/should have been more expository to really get the point across.  But there was no time where I winced at a line and despaired at the writing.  (George Lucas I'm looking at you!)  But then it's Joss.  I didn't expect there to be any real trouble.

I could geek out all day long.  Tell you my favorite moments.  In great detail no less.  But I'll save that for a time when I don't feel so awful for 'spoiling' things. 

But all the same--Gigantic Flying Turtle Monsters!  From Spaaace!!

Double Day!

Today is both Unintentional Double Day, and Actual Factual Twin Day!  Yay!!

(made up days are fun!)

Our stars of today's Unintentional Double Day are Sophia Myles and Yvonne Strahovski. 

 Sophia Myles      
Of the Underworld, Tristan and Isolde, and Outlander fame.  I love her.  I wish she was in more things.  sigh.

Yvonne Strahovski 

Mostly just the awesome tv show Chuck.

They bear more than a small resemblance to each other--so much so that I mistook one for the other in a movie.  Even though I'm really very good at recognizing actor's faces.  And as far as I can figure they're not at all related to each other.  Huh.

Now for our stars of today's Actual Factual Twin Day: Aaron Ashmore and Shawn Ashmore.

 

Aaron Ashmore 

He was in Smallville and Warehouse 13 and other smallish movies.

  

Shawn Ashmore 

 You'll know him from X-Men as Bobby--or if you're geeky enough to admit it--the Animorphs series or the Earthsea mini-series.

I was watching a funny little bad movie on Netflix (A Bear Named Winnie) and it had Aaron Ashmore in it.  His face felt so familiar and I finally realized that he was in X-men.  Iceman!  But no.  Imagine my surprise when I read the IMDB page and realized that it was his twin brother who was in X-Men.  Whoah.  And the even bigger shock was that I should have recognized him earlier because he plays Jinx in Warehouse 13 and I love that show so much!  But there you have it: twins.

(I would like to add a disclaimer about the photos of the Ashmore twins: I believe that they are indeed photos of each one--but I could be wrong.  Seeing as they're practically identical the Internet may have failed me and given me the same twin twice.  Ah well)

So glad that you could join me for Unintentional Double Day and Actual Factual Twin Day.  :)  May your life be similarly interesting.  :)

May Movie Watchlist

Because we live in this modern age we are privileged (and subject to) many technological advancements that simply weren't available to our ancestors.

What am I talking about?

New movie releases!  Woot!  (kind of anti-climactic I know.  I guess I could have said air conditioning and flush toilets, my two necessaries for survival)

And as you should know (unless you don't care) today is the first of May which makes this the perfect time for me to subject you all to hearing about the movies I'm most excited about seeing when they come out.

First on the list:

Avengers!  (insert about ten lines of Woooo!!!)  Opening May 4th in the US this action flick is directed by Joss Whedon and is the culmination of the last five years of superhero movies made by Marvel.  And I will be seeing this one in theaters.  Why is this worth watching?  Well, we can hope for some good performances by the cast--but the real reason to get excited is that it's Joss Whedon.  That might not mean much to some of you (I'll refrain from the five page 'ode to Joss Whedon' that every fan has memorized) but for the rest of us?  Boo-yeah.  The man can do no wrong.  As a side note: I even put Cabin in the Woods on my 'to see' list, and I'm not a horror movie person at all.  But it's Joss Whedon! 

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, opening May 4th in US theaters, this is the story of how even though you get older, you don't have to stop living.  How to explain the wonderfulness of this movie?  Lets start with a cast list: Bill Nighy, Dame Maggie Smith, Dame Judi Dench, Tom Wilkenson--can it get any better than this!?  It's like Britain went, 'lets put all our amazing actors in one movie just to humiliate the rest of the world because they can never be as cool as this.'  Yup.  I'd like to see this one in theaters just so I don't have to wait until it comes out on dvd, but...theater tickets don't grow on trees and I am poor. 

Trailer!

Dark Shadows, opening May 11th in the US: Johnny Depp is a man cursed to be a vampire and then buried alive for a few hundred years until he wakes up in the 1970's.  I think.  This movie is based off the old tv show Dark Shadows, so I presume fans of the tv show are likely to vilify and hate it (being a fan is fun!) because of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp taking liberty with the material.  Not being a fan of the show myself, none of that matters to me.  I'll freely admit that I will watch this movie just to see Depp prancing around being weird.  But only when it makes it to dvd so I can borrow it from the library and see it for free.

Battleship, opening May 18th in the US: aliens are trying to destroy the world.  Again.  But this time they're doing it with ships!  Yay.  This looks like a brainless action flick with no redeeming qualities.  Except Liam Neeson.  Liam Neeson!  I will watch this when it comes out on dvd because I like big shiny explosions and I have a private bet with myself that they're going to destroy the golden gate bridge in San Francisco.  Explosions!

Moonrise Kingdom, opening May 15th in the US: craziness ensues when you back a movie full of awesome actors.  List!  Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Bill Murray, Tilda Swinton, Harvey Keitel, Frances McDormand, etc etc etc.  What are they all doing?  Umm, I think they're freaking out because two kids ran away from camp.  Yep.  But they look like they're doing it in a hilarious and interesting manner, so it made my 'to see' list.  Trailer!

So that's the merry month of May for you.  Enjoy!

Hunger

Just watched Hunger on Netflix.  I feel like it was the best bit of actual filmmaking I've seen in a long long time.  Clever and understated, there was actual craft involved in how the camera moved or didn't--how the actors moved or didn't.  There were some long long shots that somehow managed to keep my attention long past when I should have gotten bored--but I didn't.  There were so many undertones involved that I don't think I'll ever catch them all even if I watched and rewatched this movie a hundred times.

Normally this sort of artsy drama would be on the bottom of my 'enjoyed' list, but as it stands right now, I'm giving it high marks.  I feel subtlety and theater tradition dripping all over it and I love it.

All that, and I don't think there was even a whiff of pretension about it.   Just good solid cinema with a point.

What point?  Not sure.  But it was a good one.

Why yes, I *do* look like a pirate adventurer heroine, thank you for noticing

I think clothes are boring.  (pause while everyone tries to understand this statement)

The only point to clothing is to cover nakedness (oh social constructions, where would we be without you) and keep us warm (at least, for those of us in colder climates).

But our world is obsessed with clothing.  So many colors and fashions and cuts and designers and sooo expensive and confusing that I'd far rather wear t-shirts and jeans for the rest of my life.  At least they're comfy.

This isn't exactly a recent problem.  I've always had trouble dressing up for events, even as a child.  I just never see the point.  I'm the same person no matter what clothes I'm wearing.  What's the difference between jeans and a dress?  Well, social constructions, and that's about it.  People get offended when they think you're trying to be insulting by not dressing appropriately for their event.  It's a politeness thing, mostly.  I think. 

I have a hard time reconciling this need to conform to what other people expect from you, with one of those important pieces of advice that adults give children and then are astonished when they actually follow up on it:

It doesn't matter what other people think about you.

What they really meant was that people can be cruel and mean for no good reason and that you can't let them get you down.

What I took it to mean is that for the rest of my life people are going to find something to dislike about me, so I might as well just be myself and find happiness being me.  (not to say that I should try to be offensive to other people.  I do believe in politeness)

So why should I care about what I wear?  I'm far more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt than anything else.  Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life in misery whenever a formal event appears?

Nope.  I have a solution! 

It is a good solution.

What is the one place where fashion looks interesting, the place where you go 'I wish I could dress like that.' 

The movies!

And guess what?  You can dress like that!

This is how I make myself enjoy dressing up.  I just imagine that I'm dressing up for a movie and suddenly my life becomes a whole lot more interesting. 

Have to wear business attire to work?  Don't be the middle-aged woman in an ill-fitting suit who you know owns five cats.  Be the fun quirky middle-aged woman who looks half her age because she wears strange bits of bright colors along with her formal attire.  Or you can be the good looking secretary.  No one ever said business attire had to make you look like you're wearing a really well made sack.

Have to go to a formal/semi-formal party?  You are now in a Bond film and your job is to look as good as possible in high heels and a backless dress and cool eyeshadow.

Are you confronted by an unseasonably hot day and you know you'll have to spend some time outdoors but you're worried for your pale complexion because you hate sunburns?  (or maybe this one's just for me)  Congratulations!  Your closet can supply this need!  Wear a ridiculously light long green skirt and a 3/4 sleeve white peasant neck shirt.  Then top it off with a wide black belt around the waist and your evenstar necklace.  (wait, you do all have one of these, right?)  Voila!  You are now a pirate adventurer heroine and can save the world and steal lots of gold all without having to get a sunburn. 

Just pretend you're in a movie and suddenly everything you do takes on an air of glamor.  And even if your outfit isn't perfect for the situation you're in, as long as you're happy and feeling good about yourself who cares what everyone else thinks?  ;)

I've reached my Media-Life Crisis

They say it happens to us all eventually.  Some people can feel it coming and get all sorts of agitated about it and do everything they can to stave it off.  Other people know it's coming and just resign themselves to their fate.  And others have it come upon them so suddenly that honestly it's a bit of a shock. 

But what to do about it?  Buying a red Ferrari won't help.  Dressing up in age-inappropriate outfits won't make a bit of a difference.  Even getting into a fool-hardy relationship won't make me feel any better. 

Because it's happened, you see.  I've reached my Media-Life Crisis.  It's that moment when you realize that the actors and actresses on the screen of the movie theater or the tv are starting to be younger than you. 

How did this happen?  I'm not that old--I don't even qualify as anywhere near old.  But it's--it's like age is gaining on me in the form of younger people.  All my life I've looked up to actors and actresses/their characters, because they could do things I couldn't.  Whether it was fight off terrorists, blow up the Death Star, or leap tall buildings with the help of lots of special effects, they were something to admire.  If only because they got to make ridiculously large amounts of money for doing as a job what I did with my stuffed animals: make up stories.

But it was all right, you know?  They were all older than me, all adults, so it was okay.  Adults were always doing things that I couldn't.  And there's that certain sort of maturity that Adults get to carry around with them that I've always found very likable. 

But how do I cope with actors who are younger than me?  I mean, they're still doing awesome things on screen and I do admire them for their abilities and chosen profession--but--but--they're younger. 

Maybe it's just the way my mind works, but I like to put myself into the story.  (as a reader it's nearly automatic).  I like to imagine I'm one of the participants--or at least an invisible sidekick who's involved.  It allows me to live vicariously through the characters (which is kind of the point of the movies) and feel what they feel for the same understandable reasons.  But it feels kind of creepy to me when the people I'm vicariously living through are 5-7 years younger.  It feels like I'm approaching 'dirty old man' syndrome.  Even though I'm not a man.  And I bathe regularly, I swear.

I suppose the only thing I can do is go back and watch my favorite Disney movies until I feel better.  And try not the think about the fact that Prince Phillip is only 21 years old.

Have you got a lot of time on your hands?

Because what I'm about to talk about has the ability to steal away five hours of your life.  And another four hours if you watch the sequel.  :)

What am I talking about?

Why, Dune of course! 

And I don't mean the really really bad 80's movie version where they got everything wrong--not only did they get everything wrong, but they made you watch them getting it wrong three times: once in a prescient vision of the future, once as it was actually happening, and once in a flashback to it happening.  Seriously.  You think I'm joking?  Have fun proving me wrong.  I can guarantee I'll have more fun laughing at your horrified face.  Sorry.  (but if you absolutely insist on watching it, I can also guarantee you two awesome moments: Patrick Stewart as Gurney Halleck, and Sting as Feyd Rautha)

The Dune I'm talking about was made in 2000 as a miniseries and boo-yeah is it awesome!  I speak as both a reader of the book (by Frank Herbert), and as someone who likes a good tv-show.  They hit all the important plot points and include all the necessary characters--and!  It's understandable to someone who's never read the book.  Actually, this is one of the only times where I'd say it's better to watch the 'movie' before reading the book. 

Frank Herbert might have been a semi-genius, but he was a very long winded and confusing genius.  He loved politics.  'Nuff said right there, but I'll explain further.  Most of his book of Dune is talking on and on about the politics of the situation and the ramifications of every single act of every single person.  It's a bit much.  So when I read it, I found myself skimming most of the dense political stuff (I have it on fellow authority that most other people--even dedicated scifi readers--do the same) and when you do that, you end up with one awesome storyline.  It still can be a bit confusing, though, so if you're at all interested, watch the mini-series first.

It had a decent budget for its time, which means the special effects are laughable now, but the acting is pretty solid and catches you up from the get-go.  My personal favorite is Alec Newman as Paul Atreides.  He has to transition from moody privileged kid to war leader and messiah, and he does it all with an intensity that's so much fun to watch.

I'm not saying it doesn't have it's flaws (oh, the flaws).  The strange obsession the Baron Harkonnen has with rhyming phrases.  The really bad special effects.  The sometimes hilarious costume choices (although not as bad as they could have been, I suppose).  And some truly strange acting/director choices.  'The spice must flow!'  (is it possible not to laugh at the spacing guild?)

But the mini-series does what it's supposed to do: it tells a story remarkably well and is entertaining from start to finish.  :)  What else do you want?

Ah, you heard me mention the sequel earlier?  That's Children of Dune, and we'll talk more about that later.  :)