The Bourne Legacy Review

Na na na na na na na na BatFail!

Yes.  That's supposed to be a Batman symbol.  I think.







And here's another lovely picture of something I pass everyday while I work:

Or as I prefer to call it: Ood Way.  This way to the Oods!  This is the Ood way of living!  Only Oods live here!

Quite right too.

Reaver Reading Parties

'If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh and sew our skins into their clothing. And if we're very very lucky, they'll do it in that order.'


Has there ever been a more chilling introduction to a villain?  I can't think of one.  In no other context would I ever assume that getting raped to death would be a mercy--except here.  I think that's part of why it's so scary.  As a female in this modern society I am almost hyper-aware that at any time in public I could be assaulted and raped.  This is seen as one of the very worst things that could happen to someone--and rightly so.  

So if you introduce a villain who'll do this scary worst-of-the-worst thing to you, and then have it be more merciful than anything else they'd do to you, it's mindbogglingly terrifying.  

But even though I find this statement horrifying and even though the thought of Reavers is enough to make me tremble, I would like to raise a small quibble.

Not a very large quibble.  But it occurred to me that I have difficulty imagining part of the above statement.  I don't have trouble imagining the raping, or the death, or the eating of the flesh (is it sad or scary that I have little trouble imagining these things?)

What I have trouble imagining is the sewing our skins into their clothing.  It's not that I have trouble with the concept of people using human skin as clothing--it's an icky thought but perfectly acceptable for your big evil baddie.  

However let us recap.

Reavers are scary.  We've established this.  

Reavers are in a state of perpetual rage and bloodthirsty impulses.  We've seen this in both Firefly and Serenity.

I would like to know what part of scary perpetual rage and bloodthirsty impulses lends itself to sewing projects.

I mean, I have trouble enough finishing ordinary sewing projects when I'm not emotionally compromised by frustration or impatience.  Let alone scary perpetual rage and bloodthirsty impulses.  How do you sew like that?  How would an angry scary Reaver sew?  It's like trying to imagine Orcs doing sewing projects.  It just doesn't seem right.

Would they carefully flay/cut all the skin off first to get the most out of it?  Or are they into the cut pieces off and make it work style of sewing?  Do they actually technically sew with needles or do they use things like staple guns to make it stay together?  I can imagine Reavers angrily stapling things together.

We don't expect Reavers to show any other form of domesticity--why sewing?  When they eat our flesh off our bodies I don't think we expect them to cook it first in a nice wine sauce.  I highly doubt they're much for cleaning house and it boggles the mind to try to think of them knitting a scarf.  Unless it were with human intestines.  And even then I doubt they'd have the patience for it (angry knitting!)

So yeah.  As much as it shames me to say it, even my vivid imagination has trouble imagining Reavers doing sewing projects.  

  

BBC is Proud to Present: Mark Gatiss--Everywhere!

If you are at all a fan of BBC tv shows, it's quite possible you already know who Mark Gatiss is.  Not only is one of the co-creators of Sherlock, but he also stars in it as Mycroft.  (a tidbit I recently learned and was slightly astonished by).

Not long after learning that Gatiss was both writer and actor I happened to rewatch a Doctor Who episode: third season, The Lazarus Experiment.  Imagine my surprise when I recognize the actor playing Dr. Lazarus--it's Mark Gatiss!  A fact which escaped me the first time around the series.  (and the second.  Shush.)

At times like these I find it impossible not to go onto Imdb and see what else someone's been up to.  Although since my quota for shock and surprise has been used up I was fully expecting what I found:  Mark Gatiss is in lots of things.  Lots of BBC things.  In fact he's in so many of them I wonder if he even bothers auditioning or if they just call him out of habit and ask him if he's feeling up for another role.

You never know.  Brits are awesome like that.

(and I use the term 'Brits' endearingly, if you'll allow it.  I've heard some find it objectionable, just like we americans are supposed to find being called a 'Yank' objectionable.  Although I've never been bothered by the term.  Isn't it sad that in our politically correct age we're not even allowed to have decent epithets anymore by which to call other people in other countries?  I'm not speaking in favor of racism and cultural bias--I'm just lamenting the lack of an easy term by which to call other people.)

Daily Dose of Humour

No, I did not just spell 'humor' wrong (silly Americans).  I used the British spelling which still includes the 'u,' which is very appropriate because what I am about to show you is from across the pond and very very funny.

QI!

Never heard of it?  Of course you haven't.  Let me 'splain.  No no, there is too much.  Let me sum up.

QI is a British quiz show with Stephen Fry as the host with the panel consisting of mostly British comedians where impossible questions are asked and points are awarded on how interesting you are and taken away based on boring or ordinary answers.

You may curse me for introducing you to this addictive show.  I will accept your curses with a smile.

Now go forth and laugh yourself silly.

Things you should really be watching:

Sherlock
Person of Interest
Doctor Who
Avengers (what do you mean it's 'only' a movie and you've seen it already?  Go see it again!)


That's probably good enough for getting on with for now.  Although I always have more...  :)

Ode to a Chiropractor and My Future Car

Oh Chiropractor, my chiropractor,
You make me feel so wonderful.
You crack my back in different ways
So that I don't feel any pain.

Oh Chiropractor, my chiropractor,
Without you life would be so hard.
I'd never sleep or walk or move
Without saying, 'Oh Aargh arrgh--'

Oh Chiropractor, my chiropractor,
I wrote this ode with you in mind.
For though I'm glad that you exist
I wish you were less arrogant.

Oh Chiropractor, my chiropractor,
I found a song which sounds like you.
So I thought I'd give you compliments
Before I showed all your defects.

Oh Chiropractor, my chiropractor,
I hope you are not too offended.
Because I really need your expertise
Even if my back is not the only thing that needs adjusting.

But in all honesty, I really do like my new chiropractor.  He's very very good at what he does and I'm very grateful that I won't be experiencing spine-crushing pain every so often.

I just get the feeling sometimes that his ego is very very large and he thinks of himself as a 'man's man' who likes manly things.

Not that I have anything against manly things.  I do lots of them.  But I do them because they are fun and I'm good at them--not because they are 'manly things' and I want to be 'manly.'  Or be seen as 'manly.'

So it's pretty minor overall--no real complaints to speak of.  He just reminded me of that song a bit.

Fun song!

(fun fact about song--the first time I remember hearing it was during a Supernatural episode--season 4 episode 17--where it's playing over alternate-Dean's morning routine.  I fell in love with that song as well as the entire episode.  One of my favorites.  :)  )



Now onto my new car!

Not that Roger's doing badly--he's still a picture of health, as much as a car with over 210,000 miles on it can be.

But my future car isn't being produced yet so I still have some time to give Roger a natural death before I get a new one.

This one!

They're going to start re-releasing Deloreans!  And they're making them electric!  Who on earth doesn't want one of these?!?

(link)

So yeah.  Future car here I come!

You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry

From our lofty vantage point of forty years we find it very easy to make fun of the 70's.  The funny shaggy haircuts.  The bellbottom pants.  Disco.

But several good things did come out of the seventies.  (namely some of us).  Also a tv show that hasn't gotten a lot of attention recently but just might come back into style.  For a few good reasons.

This tv show is titled The Incredible Hulk, and follows the adventures of Dr. David Banner as he searches for a way to cure his condition that makes him turn into a dangerous green monster.

Now onto the reasons why this show will/should see a comeback.

Reason number one: The Avengers movie has been a roaring success by any standard, making people curious about other adaptations of Marvel characters.

Reason number two: It has been stated in several places by Joss Whedon and Mark Ruffalo and even Robert Downey Jr. that the Dr. Banner in The Avengers was meant to resemble the Dr. Banner in the 70's tv show rather than any of the more recent movie adaptations of the comic books. 

Reason number three: the show was actually very very good--and still is. 

Reason number four: it's streaming on Netflix right now.  Easy access!

You know, you might be getting the idea that I'm promoting this old show--and you'd be right.  :)  I'd seen random episodes of it years ago on scifi reruns and I enjoyed it then.  But for some reason I enjoy it even more now and I'm excited to be able to watch it all from start to finish.

All right, it's campy a bit.  (although far less than most shows of that era let me tell you)  And seeing the changeover from Bill Bixby into Lou Ferrigno (or back) is hilarious and just plain odd.  (don't even get me started on how strange Lou Ferrigno is.  All those exactly torn shirts!)  And if you start on the first episode (which I always advocate) you'll have to get past the 70's love montage at the beginning.  I know--I feel your pain.  But it takes a surprising and twisting turn and hooked me solid.

So take a chance, watch an old show, and rediscover one of the better parts of the 70's.  (aside from some of us of course).

Check out the awesome intro!

'Within each of us ofttimes, there dwells a mighty and raging fury.'

(I love it that they still used 'ofttimes' in the seventies)



Traveling man you make me so sad.

What is your favorite sound?

I only ask because someone else has been asking it a lot recently and I still don't know what my answer is.

Hmm?

Who's been asking? 

Why James Lipton of course.

Who?  You don't know who he is?!  (kidding.  I barely know his name)

He's the man who hosts Inside the Actor's Studio.  And I feel like he's been asking this question a lot lately because I just watched a whole slew of the episodes. 

What is the show about, you ask?  I tell you.

Famous actors and actresses and sometimes directors are put on a stage in front of theater/film students and asked questions about their lives and careers etc.  If you have any interest at all in film etc it's a gold mine.

Such aforementioned actors etc. include Harrison Ford, Morgan Freeman, Kate Winslet, Steven Spielberg, Anthony Hopkins, and on and on and on. 

And seeing as we live in a wonderful modern age I found all of these on Youtube.  Happy hunting!

Now to figure out what my favorite sound is...

Double Day!

Today is both Unintentional Double Day, and Actual Factual Twin Day!  Yay!!

(made up days are fun!)

Our stars of today's Unintentional Double Day are Sophia Myles and Yvonne Strahovski. 

 Sophia Myles      
Of the Underworld, Tristan and Isolde, and Outlander fame.  I love her.  I wish she was in more things.  sigh.

Yvonne Strahovski 

Mostly just the awesome tv show Chuck.

They bear more than a small resemblance to each other--so much so that I mistook one for the other in a movie.  Even though I'm really very good at recognizing actor's faces.  And as far as I can figure they're not at all related to each other.  Huh.

Now for our stars of today's Actual Factual Twin Day: Aaron Ashmore and Shawn Ashmore.

 

Aaron Ashmore 

He was in Smallville and Warehouse 13 and other smallish movies.

  

Shawn Ashmore 

 You'll know him from X-Men as Bobby--or if you're geeky enough to admit it--the Animorphs series or the Earthsea mini-series.

I was watching a funny little bad movie on Netflix (A Bear Named Winnie) and it had Aaron Ashmore in it.  His face felt so familiar and I finally realized that he was in X-men.  Iceman!  But no.  Imagine my surprise when I read the IMDB page and realized that it was his twin brother who was in X-Men.  Whoah.  And the even bigger shock was that I should have recognized him earlier because he plays Jinx in Warehouse 13 and I love that show so much!  But there you have it: twins.

(I would like to add a disclaimer about the photos of the Ashmore twins: I believe that they are indeed photos of each one--but I could be wrong.  Seeing as they're practically identical the Internet may have failed me and given me the same twin twice.  Ah well)

So glad that you could join me for Unintentional Double Day and Actual Factual Twin Day.  :)  May your life be similarly interesting.  :)

Have you had your laugh today?

For your delectation and delight, I present to you:

Mystery!

For all of you Americans, yes.  That was House.  Singing rather well.

For the rest of the world, isn't Hugh Laurie amazing?!  I'm kind of sad he doesn't do much comedy anymore because he was great at it.

Now that we have laughed and giggled the world is a better place.  You're welcome.  :)


ps, extra points if you know who the man at the beginning of the clip is!

My Hovercraft Is Full Of Eels

If you are confused by that statement above, be not ashamed.  A very short time ago I was also as ignorant of it, but I can promise you enlightenment if you read further.  

I happened across this phrase I know not where.  It might have been in a movie or a tv show I watched.  It could have been on a blog or in an article I read.  But wherever it was that I heard/read it, the phrase was unexplained and completely inexplicable.  Being curious I looked it up and found far more than I bargained for.

This video will explain.  (and for those of you who need to know what something is before you watch it, it is a Monty Python sketch.  As such it is somewhat naughty.  Just so you know.)

As you can see, the trouble arises from a phrasebook that does not give accurate translations.  Ha.

But as I was learning all about the mysteries of the Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook, I also was made aware of a real life equivalent: 'English As She Is Spoke,' a Portuguese phrasebook which was published in 1883.  Not only does this book actually exist, but its phrases almost surpass the carefully planned idiocy that is the Monty Python sketch.

Here are a few of my favorites.

Help-to a little most the better your terms

Have you forgeted me?

Dress my horse.

Why you no helps me to?

Take the bloom’s perfume.

You hear the bird’s gurgling?

        ‘For A Conversation With A Hair Dresser’

            -Your razors are them well?

            Yes Sir.

            -Comb-me quickly, don’t put me so much pomatum.  What news tell me?  All hair dressers are news-mongers.

            Sir, I have no heard any thing

Who I would be if I was know it!

It is difficult to enjoy well so much several languages

He sin in trouble water

He has a good beak

With a tongue one go to Roma

Take out the live coals with the hand of the cat

Burn the politeness

This wood is full of thief’s

He has spit in my coat

I have mind to vomit

Have you understanded?

Go Here if you would like to read the entire book in all its glory.  

 

And if you didn't laugh a single time while reading that then you must have had your sense of humor surgically removed by angry clowns.  I'm so sorry.

So as I leave you now I must ask, 'Have you understanded?'  For 'It is difficult to enjoy well so much several languages.'

:)

This wood is full of thief's.

Heehee.


(and congrats to me!  This is my 100th blog post!  Whee!!!!)

Children of Dune

(as I was writing that, I kept wanting to write 'Children of Doom' instead.  Has a bit of something, doesn't it?  It would either be a heartbreaking drama about bad life decisions, or a very strange sequel to the Doom movie.  hee)

Back on topic.

More of my time has been sucked away into the black hole that is a television mini-series!  Yay!  (I find it hard to seriously object to the time-sucking when the aforementioned mini-series has a very young James McAvoy)

How is this not excellent?

This is the first time I ever saw McAvoy act (or knew he existed) and it was only two years later that Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe came out.  I remember hearing the casting choice for him as Tumnus and my first instinct was--'but he's young!' while my second reaction was 'But he's good.' 

Honestly, my favorite parts of that movie include him and little Georgie Henley.  They made that movie special and magical and non-creepy.  I have friends who say that in the old BBC version they always got a child molester vibe off of Tumnus.  I say grrr to them in reply, but they do have a slight point.  (go here if you want to hear me talk about the BBC Narnia)

Back to Children of Dune.  (Doom!)  It's the continuation of the Dune miniseries that was produced in 2000, and while it has a higher budget it doesn't have all the same actors and actresses who played the same roles, so that's a bit of a bummer.  But the important people are still the same, and we get a couple of new faces who do credit to their characters. 

For the readers of the Frank Herbert books (the few, the proud) the Children of Dune mini-series is actually the combination of Dune Messiah and Children of Dune.  As such it glosses over a lot of material but still manages to get the essence of the story.

It's been 8 years since I first saw CoD.  I had just watched an all day marathon of Dune that Sci-Fi had run, and at the end of it there was the first part of the CoD series.  I was entranced.  The story, the characters--it was all amazingly intertwined and complex.  I had to wait for the rest of the series to come out over the next two weeks (only a three part series) and let me tell you, that was some difficult waiting.  Possibly because I tend to get wrapped up in a story.

For this reason I love this modern age of ours.  We have Netflix and instant viewing etc etc etc so we have the opportunity to watch tv shows all the way through instead of having to wait week by week with the agony of possibly missing an episode and never being able to see it again.  Yay!

What can I say about CoD?  Well, it only really works if you've seen Dune--at least, in my opinion.  The music is beautiful (I own the soundtrack) and perfect and most of the acting hovers above the acceptable line, with only a couple occasional hilarious dips below.  ('So I tell you to summon wooorrms!')  And McAvoy is talented so therefore all is well.

But if any of you are at all inspired by my recommendations to watch it, keep in mind the fact that my Suspenders of Disbelief are very large and sturdy and that I like to approach everything I watch with a mind towards enjoying it in the way it was intended to be enjoyed.  (the following examples are not intended to be a commentary on the Dune or CoD series) Flimsy scenery?  Just use a bit more imagination (like in the Theater).  Bad SFX?  Use more imagination.  Bad script?  The story is still good.  Bad acting?  Well--that's less forgivable.  But if everyone is having a good time who cares?  I watch movies and tv shows to enjoy them, not to get all angry about how they aren't perfect.


A very happy Birthing Day to Haley Joel Osment (you're all grown up!) and Max Von Sydow (you grew up a long time ago!).  Many happy returns.

Have you got a lot of time on your hands?

Because what I'm about to talk about has the ability to steal away five hours of your life.  And another four hours if you watch the sequel.  :)

What am I talking about?

Why, Dune of course! 

And I don't mean the really really bad 80's movie version where they got everything wrong--not only did they get everything wrong, but they made you watch them getting it wrong three times: once in a prescient vision of the future, once as it was actually happening, and once in a flashback to it happening.  Seriously.  You think I'm joking?  Have fun proving me wrong.  I can guarantee I'll have more fun laughing at your horrified face.  Sorry.  (but if you absolutely insist on watching it, I can also guarantee you two awesome moments: Patrick Stewart as Gurney Halleck, and Sting as Feyd Rautha)

The Dune I'm talking about was made in 2000 as a miniseries and boo-yeah is it awesome!  I speak as both a reader of the book (by Frank Herbert), and as someone who likes a good tv-show.  They hit all the important plot points and include all the necessary characters--and!  It's understandable to someone who's never read the book.  Actually, this is one of the only times where I'd say it's better to watch the 'movie' before reading the book. 

Frank Herbert might have been a semi-genius, but he was a very long winded and confusing genius.  He loved politics.  'Nuff said right there, but I'll explain further.  Most of his book of Dune is talking on and on about the politics of the situation and the ramifications of every single act of every single person.  It's a bit much.  So when I read it, I found myself skimming most of the dense political stuff (I have it on fellow authority that most other people--even dedicated scifi readers--do the same) and when you do that, you end up with one awesome storyline.  It still can be a bit confusing, though, so if you're at all interested, watch the mini-series first.

It had a decent budget for its time, which means the special effects are laughable now, but the acting is pretty solid and catches you up from the get-go.  My personal favorite is Alec Newman as Paul Atreides.  He has to transition from moody privileged kid to war leader and messiah, and he does it all with an intensity that's so much fun to watch.

I'm not saying it doesn't have it's flaws (oh, the flaws).  The strange obsession the Baron Harkonnen has with rhyming phrases.  The really bad special effects.  The sometimes hilarious costume choices (although not as bad as they could have been, I suppose).  And some truly strange acting/director choices.  'The spice must flow!'  (is it possible not to laugh at the spacing guild?)

But the mini-series does what it's supposed to do: it tells a story remarkably well and is entertaining from start to finish.  :)  What else do you want?

Ah, you heard me mention the sequel earlier?  That's Children of Dune, and we'll talk more about that later.  :)

For Future to Recommend Fun--ah, you get the idea

Today's topic of discussion: Sanctuary.

The tv show, not the word or the concept.  Although technically those are part of it too--getting ahead of myself.  Right.

A world like our own where monsters exist (some peaceful, some not) and where a place called The Sanctuary attempts to protect us from them, and them from us.

Good enough concept, but to add a hook for the really geeky ones out there, the main star of the show is Amanda Tapping.  Yup.  And she's plays a British lady who's over 100 years old.  Hee.

Not to mention there is Jack the Ripper, Sasquatch, Sherlock Holmes, Jekyll and Hyde, Nikola Tesla and so many other fun fun fun things.  Including steampunk.

My official recommendation for those of you who enjoy sci-fi/fantasy and have time on your hands: go find and watch.  Now. 

~Bit harsh, isn't it?  'You must do this now!'
--She didn't say it like that.
~Might as well have.
>It's highly likely that her commanding tone will cause everyone who reads it to feel exactly the opposite of the way she wants.  ie, not wanting to watch Sanctuary at all.  She should change it, or no one will watch it and even if they do they'll all hate it---
!Sanctuary!
~Oh save us...
!Sanctuary!
--You've said it twice already.  No need to say it again.
!But!
~Sanctuary!  (snicker)
--I would like to disown you.