Sorry all of you who live in Delaware. Perhaps on other days of the year the state does not actively try to suck out your soul and feed it to the seven devils of the bottom most levels of hell.
But not today. Today those devils feasted on the anger and horror and bad driving skills of hundreds of people.
I went on a road trip to a wedding. I knew today would see heavier traffic than normal because it was a holiday weekend. I was not prepared for ultimate evil. (eviiilllll!!!!)
As soon as we got off the Jersey Pike we were in a traffic jam that didn't move. For at least ten minutes our car didn't move an inch. Then we were able to move a car length. Five more minutes: another car length. Then we had to defend our place in line with risky driving behaviors because other people were trying to cut in front of us (okay, I'm sympathetic to people who 'just need to merge,' but I can sniff a line cutter a mile off. Yes, I'm talking to you Mr. I-just-drove-past-all-these-schmucks-and-now-I'm-cutting-in-at-the-last-minute). The next hour was filled with horrors unimaginable to people who weren't there. The road had widened to about twenty lanes to allow for a toll, and then it narrowed back down to maybe five lanes total--and mostly just the two lanes that everyone wanted to be in. Our lanes. The lane lines were unclear. They would often disappear and reappear sporadically. You'd find yourself in two lanes simultaneously without any idea what had happened. And even when you got out of the merging merge from merge hell, the entire rest of the state also seemed to be in one constant condition of merging from one lane to another. It wasn't until we got to Maryland that the road magically opened up again and we could drive above twenty mph.
Evil evil Delaware.
I just hope the devils are sated with their toll of blood and human suffering and will let us pass without incident when we return the other way.
See, the one time I drove through Delaware was a very very early morning, in early Spring. There was no traffic. Mist lightened. It was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThe problem is not Delaware; the problem is that Delaware hasn't many people, and thus haven't roads prepared for all those crazy one who decided driving through a small state all at once would be a good idea. Blame the Jerseyans and New Yorkers who crowded through poor Delaware.