I'm talking about the worst of the worst. The ones with almost no redeeming value except how fun they are. And even that is debatable.
These are the movies with flaws. If they were people you might go as far as to say that they 'have a great personality.' Or that they 'try really hard.' As someone who has probably been damned with this faint praise in her lifetime, I hold a special affinity for movies like this.
Also my suspenders of disbelief are massively large and well-sprung.
Or you could say that I'm more like a five year old child than I should be, and I relish watching movies in the way they were meant to be enjoyed. And sometimes for their unintentional hilarities.
I
n no particular order:
Doom: Karl Urban, Rosamund Pike, and The Rock killing evil mutated monsters in a creepy network of tunnels. Based off the early computer game of the same name. This statement pretty much sums up why this movie is awful. It was based off a first person shooter from the early days of computer games (I remember my relatives playing it--I always got a kick out of the part where the bad guys exploded and an eyeball went flying by) and it has The Rock in a lead role. Do you expect much plot? Do you expect good character development? No? Then you might just last through this highly entertaining ridiculousness. Besides, if you're willing to give it a shot you might see why I like it: Karl Urban playing a protective older brother to his awesome scientist sister Rosamund Pike. The tension filled relationship between the two make this movie far better than it ought to be.
Hulk: Not The Hulk, not The Incredible Hulk: just Hulk. Yeah. It's that bad. Eric Bana and Jennifer Connolly star in Ang Lee's horrible flop. It didn't have to flop. It might not have flopped (I don't say it would have been amazing or even considered as good as the superhero movies that are coming out now) if not for one thing: the horrible horrible idea someone had to shoot it 'comic book style.' As in, most scenes are shot with multiple cameras and put onto the screen at the same time with the look of a comic book. But what works for a comic book fails miserably on a tv screen. You don't know where to look and you can't really sink into the story. But I can defend my liking for this movie like this: the acting in it was truly good and far better than the second attempt to reboot the Hulk with Edward Norton and Liv Tyler. (seriously? Replacing Jennifer Connolly with Liv Tyler? Get your head checked, people). And while it's difficult to watch, when you remember watching it later you don't see the strange double/triple screen shots and all you remember wast that it was a pretty decent movie.
The Shadow: Alec Baldwin playing a superhero who uses mind powers to turn mostly invisible--except for his shadow. Ian McKellan plays an absent minded scientist. Tim Curri is an obnoxious scientist. The Shadow must thwart the last descendant of Genghis Khan who wants to blow up New York with an atomic bomb. Boo-yah. This is camp. This is over the top. This is sheer ridiculousness. This is terrible script writing. This is so much fun. The original Shadow was a radio drama. 'What evil lurks in the hearts of man? The Shadow knows!!' :)
Aeon Flux: I've mentioned this movie already on my sappy movie night post. It's bad scifi with Charlize Theron and Marton Czokas (criminally underused actor). Their love story is the only really good part of the movie. Along with the costume design. And the set design. Oh it's just so pretty you should watch it anyway! Just try to ignore the plot holes. And the way nothing is really explained. Hoike your suspenders up and prepare for a good time.
Willow: Most of you might know of Willow. For the rest of you I'll sum it up thusly: a fantasy romp with Warwick Davis and Val Kilmer trying to fight the evil Queen Bavmorda to save a baby princess. Along the way they meet trolls and brownies and a good fairy and the amazing disappearing pink dress. (Similar in a way to the ever-tightening pants of David Bowie in Labyrinth). There's action! Adventure! Terrible acting! Terrible lines you'll remember and want to use over and over again! Funfunfunfun....
Surf Ninjas: You will never see this movie. You'll never be able to find this movie. But I watched it so many times growing up that now I own a dvd copy of it. Want to know what it's about? Read that title again. Yes my friend. This movie is about surfing ninjas. In a fake country called Patousan. 'Pa-tou-san.' Heh. And it contains such immortal gems of wisdom such as 'Money can't buy knives.' And an immortal rendition of 'Babaram' set to the tune of 'Barbara Ann.' Horrible horrible 90's movie, where would my childhood be without you?
Van Helsing: Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale, David Wenham, in one of the most ridiculous vampire movies ever. It takes all the old supernatural gothic tropes and it shoves them into one movie in what might have been an attempt at an homage, but just turns into sheer strangeness. Although this Dracula and his sexy hairclip is possibly my favorite dracula. Just because.
Now go out and be horrified by what they world has in store for you! And do try to enjoy yourself.
