One of a kind

I've always thought that Abraham Lincoln has a very distinct look

Aside from his natty beard and top hat of course.

It's something to do with his cheekbones and high forehead--something I've never seen on someone else.  Some people get close, but no one truly ever looks like Abraham Lincoln.  I've always wondered why--did the high-cheekbones-and-high-forehead genetic stock somehow die out?

Apparently not.

It just hasn't been in America.

Meet Christopher Eccleston.

He's British.  And if he was given the right beard and hairstyle we'd have a dead ringer for Abraham Lincoln.

Or maybe I just need sleep.

Night.  :)

Beauty

I find it interesting that what I seem to find beautiful at the moment is stars or things that look like stars.  Mmm, pretty.

Arghle.

You should be sleeping.
Why?
Because you are tired.
What has that to do with the price of peas in Persopolis?   I'm already awake--being awake is more fun than sleeping.
Your logic is horrible.  Go to sleep.  Return with greater insight and better logic that is unimpaired by lack of sleep.
You just used logic and sleep twice.
See?  Even I need sleep.  Stop delaying.
But there are so many things I could do--
No!  No things!  Sleep!
Bossy-pants.
Your insults are puny.  Your creativity is sadly...sadly...
Right back atcha.
See what I mean?

How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?

At least once more, it appears.

Sorry.  :(

I went travelling and didn't get an internet connection last night so I didn't post.

I'm really sorry.

~What are you talking about?  It's not like anyone noticed.  No one checks your blog every day so who'd notice if you miss a few?  It's not like anyone's counting on you for anything.
!I notice!  I care!

Thanks Enthusiasm.  I know you care.

!I do!  I really really do!
~So Enthusiasm cares.  What doesn't Enthusiasm care about?
--Curtains.
!Blech!
--Enthusiasm does not care about curtains.
~Spoilsport.
--You asked.
~I didn't ask you.  And besides, it was rhetorical.
--Ah.
~What do you mean, ah?
--To continue the conversation any further would result in further illogical statements made by you.  I choose not to continue.
~Why you little-

Boys boys!

~Don't you take that tone with me!
!Are we having a fight?!
~And you're not invited!
_Don't upset Enthusiasm, Snark.  And stop bickering with Logic.
~Mr. Logic can fight for himself, Calm.
--We've been over this.  To label me as 'male is incorrect--
~Stuff it.
_You are being far too rude.  This conversation is over.

Okay.  Umm, I guess the general consensus is we're through.  :)  Sorry I didn't post.  I'll try to do better.

Highway Trick

Have you always had trouble remembering the numbering system for highways?  Is it the odd numbers that run N/S or the evens?

I've never been able to keep them straight before--but now with new and improved Compass Diagram, remembering is all too easy!

Just imagine that you're looking at a compass rose--this thing:

But instead of NESW being around the compass points, imagine that you're looking at this instead:

                                                                                  1
                                                                                   |
                                                                     4  _____|_____ 2
                                                                                   |
                                                                                   |
                                                                                  3

Do you see?  The odd numbers line up N/S and the even numbers E/W.

So all the odd numbered highways go North/South, and all the even numbered highways go East/West.

Tada!

Now you too can enjoy the Compass Diagram for absolutely free!  (donations strictly encouraged)


(the things I think about in the car.  jeesh.)

The Pizza Phenomenon

Isn't it strange how when you're confronted by a fresh pizza just out of the oven (or the delivery box) you're immediately overwhelmed by the desire to eat at least three to four pieces?  (girl standard.  5-6 if you're a boy).

But if you're reheating that same pizza how many pieces do you choose to reheat?  If you're me, just two slices.  And I feel really full after that.

So how on earth do I eat three to four slices when the pizza is fresh, but when I'm reheating it I can only eat two?

Something is strange about all this I'm telling you.  Something very very strange....

Anyway--pizza!

Have you had your laugh today?

For your delectation and delight, I present to you:

Mystery!

For all of you Americans, yes.  That was House.  Singing rather well.

For the rest of the world, isn't Hugh Laurie amazing?!  I'm kind of sad he doesn't do much comedy anymore because he was great at it.

Now that we have laughed and giggled the world is a better place.  You're welcome.  :)


ps, extra points if you know who the man at the beginning of the clip is!

Rocking Bog, Man!

I would like to say a few words.

Forage.

Goggles.

Puzzlement.

Hostage.

Foghorn.

Rocking.

Bog.




Hmm.  I think Rocking Bog would make a great new snynonym for 'cool.'  It just sounds awesome.  Although I think you'd have to say 'rocking bog, man!' for it to gain full effect.

What does it really mean?  People will ask you.  And because I am feeling kind and generous  (and very very tired) I will allow you to make up whatever reason/meaning you like.  Just be creative, that is all I ask.  :)

Reverse Fall and Car Games

Wonder of wonders, spring is here already!  I mean, I know I predicted it would be early (here), and I already talked about how wimpy March was this year (here)--but really!  We've got flowers and trees budding and the forsythias in my back yard look like the fourth of July in yellow. 

But the best part (at least I think so) is that it almost looks like Fall again.  Since all the trees are starting to bud, there are all these fat red buds and when you look at a bunch of trees together, it almost looks like Fall has returned.  'sigh.'  I like Fall.  Fall is nice.  Fall is cool.  Fall is the refreshing break after summer with way awesomer colors everywhere.  And since this semi-Fall is coming after winter instead of before: Reverse Fall!

This should be a new thing.  :)

Random segue time!

Cars!  Driving! 

When I was a small child, we seemed to spend most of the day in the car.  My mom was always driving us somewhere, and it seemed to take all day no matter where we went.  Of course, we do live in the middle of nowhere and it does take at least 30-45 minutes to get anywhere, and that's an absolute eternity when you're a kid.

So like most bored children, I tried to make up games to keep myself amused.  (do most kids actually do this?  I need a random sampling)

There was We Are In A Race And We Always Win.  Very easy to play.  You narrate the movements of the cars around your car as if you are a race announcer.  Whenever you pass someone else: you win!  When someone else passes you: they lose!  I suspect this game would have been far less interesting to play if my mom had been a slow driver.  (not that she was a speed demon or anything.  :) love you mom)  This could occupy me for very very long stretches of time.  But if that failed, there was always:

Do Your Tires Need Air?  Also very easy to play.  You stare out the window at other cars and estimate whether or not their tires need more air.  Yup.  And since there were always some cars around, this game could go practically forever.

And the fun hasn't stopped now that I've grown up and started driving on my own!  Oh no!  I have invented new games to play. 

There's Whoever Reaches The Center Of The Intersection First Wins.  If you're the first person at a light, and there's someone opposite you and you are both going straight, whoever gets to the middle of the intersection first wins!  So easy!  And you really shouldn't cheat by trying to drive faster than normal just to beat them.  It's better if it's just natural reflexes and car pep.  :)

And my latest game is Yes Officer, The Car Was Green--Or Maybe Blue--Of Course It Could Have Been Black.  You try to notice the cars around you and imagine that they are up to something suspicious and you might be called upon to remember the color make and model and who was driving it.  This is surprisingly hard.  We really don't notice the cars around us when we drive (at least I don't) and I have a feeling that if anyone asked me to testify about something that happened, I'd remember diddly-squat.  So this might help me remember things better.  Sort of.  Maybe. 

Do any of you have any original car games you play? 

Have you got HIADSD?

Oh no.  Oh no no no.  This is bad.  This is very very bad.  You--you just touched my skin.  I'm sorry.  I'm so very very sorry.  But you're going to die now. 

What?  No, no--you don't understand.  That wasn't a threat.  Please listen to me!  You've been infected with a Horribly Infectious And Deadly Skin Disease. 

No!  This isn't some sort of joke!  You're going to die!  And unless you're all alone in this world I suggest you get on your cell phone and call the people you love and tell them that you've only got a few hours to live. 

That's what I said: a few hours. 

No, no you can't!  Weren't you listening?  I said it was a Horribly Infectious and Deadly Skin Disease!  If you go see your family you'll probably infect them too.  One touch, that's all it takes.  And in a few hours you'll rapidly develop bloody boils and explosive pustules full of pus--and then you'll die. 

Why aren't I dead yet?  I'm immune.  I'm just the carrier. 

Hold on now, there's no need for that sort of language.  Why should I be the one wearing gloves?  How was I supposed to know you were going to reach for the last bottle of chocolate syrup at the same time as me?

By the way, now that you've got HIADSD and are about to die, do you really need that?  'Cause I was just at a party and we ran out of chocolate syrup, and we could really use--

Oh, thanks, thanks very much!  Have a nice day!

Separation Anxiety

~(singsong tone) She's being lazy, she's being lazy.
--I believe the correct term is uninspired.
~Lazy.
!Are we talking about something?!  What is it?!  I want to talk!
~Save us all.  It wants to talk.
--I believe you assigned Enthusiasm to the female gender.
~Who cares?  I can say anything I want.  It's not like She's going to do anything about it.  Lazy bum.  Do you know what she really wants to be doing right now?
--Her thoughts seem to incline towards watching Star Trek: Voyager.
~I told you so.  Lazy!
!Lazy!
~Thank you.
!Lazy!  Lazy!
~I already said thank you, you're not getting thanked twice.  I've already used up this year's quota.
!Lazy!  Lazy!  Lazy!
~Will you cut it out already?
!Lazy!  Lazy!
~When you say it that many times it doesn't even sound like anything, you're completely losing the point--
!Lazy!  Lazy!  It's fun to say!
>You do realize that this is the signal of the decline of life as we know it?  If She can't even be bothered to write her own posts about interesting--
~Ha!
>or uninteresting things, what's going to happen?  It can't be anything good.  She's probably deathly ill and too weak to write, or maybe she just doesn't care about life anymore and she's giving up on the whole shebang--
!Lazy!  Lazy!  Lazy!  Lazy!
~Or she's lazy.
>Oh no, it has to be something worse than that.  She's abandoning us, you see.  She's making us do her work for her and she'll go off and find better things to do than spend time with us and we'll be left here endlessly talking about nothing and nothing and nothing...
~You are far too depressing.  Get a life.
>But I can't!  None of us can.  Don't you understand?  We're completely dependent on her for everything.  Without her we're nothing!
!Nothing!
~Oh no.
!Nothing!
>Why does she keep saying that?
!Nothing!
>Tell her to stop, she's upsetting me.
~Everything upsets you.  Breathing upsets you.
>Breathing is upsetting!  What if it stops?  We'll all die!
!Die!  Nothing!  Die!
>Make her stop.
~Heh.  You ever try to get Enthusiasm to stop anything?
>Well maybe if you explained the state of my nerves--
~Seriously?  You think explaining will mean anything to her?  She's got a terminal case of goldfish syndrome.
--That is not a real syndrome.
~Shove off.
>Goldfish syndrome?
!Die!  Die!  Nothing!  Lazy!
~It would take far to long to explain.
--This is not a real syndrome.  How could it take a long time to explain?
~I'll cut it short for you by telling you the only thing you can do if someone has goldfish syndrome is either wait them out, or change the tune to something you like.
>I don't understand.
!Die!  Lazy!  Lazy!  Nothing!
~Step right this way for an astounding demonstration of skill and derring-do.
--It is impossible for us to step anywhere as we are merely--
~Hey Enthusiasm!
!Enthusiasm!  That's me!  Lazy!  Lazy!
~What do you think of spoons?
!Spoons?!  I like spoons!  Spoon!  Spoon!  Spoon!
>Aaarrghggghhh!  You made it worse!
~Heheheheh.

Cuteness!

Prepare for your new favorite cute animal! 

And if you are very lucky, I may one day post my baby sloth imitation.  :)

Never in a month of Tuesdays...

Hello March, good to see you again.  Sort of.  Well, at least you're better than February.  Except for your habit of throwing that last blizzard at us every year.  Although this year it was kinda pitiful.  Do you mind if I use that word?  Pitiful?  'Cause it really was.  Barely a flurry.  Didn't even stick over a day. 

I only say this because I'm concerned for you.  Back in the day you were the terror of my sister's party plans.  Because sure enough, no matter when we chose to have her birthday party, you'd send one whomping blizzard to crash it and ensure that it would have to be postponed.  Every year.

So what's up?  Feeling a bit poorly, are we?  Not quite as up to snuff as you used to be?  Or have you caught one of those nasty bugs doing the circuit?  That really nasty stomach bug--or maybe that cold virus doing an understudy for the flu?  He hasn't made much of an appearance this year either.  Huh.  Maybe whatever you've got is catching.  Stay away from Spring then, if you don't mind.  I'd rather she didn't have to delay her annual pilgrimage because you were too impolite to carry a hanky.

We haven't talked for a while, March.  Anything new in your neck of the woods?  No?  Same old, same old?  yeah,well, me too. 

What?

You think I'm stuck in a rut?  Who're you to talk?  Every year it's the same deal.  They even gave you a saying because you're so predictable.  'In like a lion, out like a lamb.'   I mean, every year there's the blizzard, the wind, the cold that just warm enough to make things drizzly but still cold enough to be mean.  When do you ever mix it up and pretend to be September, or July?  Never, that's when.  So don't you tell me I'm stuck in a rut.  Tua raeda en fossa adhuc immobilis.  And it's been there a long time.  Getting kinda moldy if you ask me.

What?  You can't remember your Latin?  This is really an all time low for you, isn't it, March?  You were named after the Roman god of war, and you can't remember your Latin?  Jeesh, age is really catching up to you.  What are you, nearly 3,000 years old?  I'm surprised you can even remember your name. 

All right, all right, I'm sorry about the age dig.  And the latin dig.  (it means that your carriage is still stuck in the ditch).  You're still a better month than February.  No no, I mean it.  I hate February.  Worst month of the year.

Is there a Doctor in the house?

I was driving down the highway today when a funny thing happened.  Or if you prefer, it was quite a normal thing that happened.  The people in front of me started slowing down for no good reason (why do they always do that?!) and my usual impulse is to start pounding the steering wheel shouting ‘must go faster, must go faster!’  But this time something new happened.  I discovered that there was a Dalek in my driver’s seat.

‘ACCELERATE!!  ACCELERATE!!!  ACCELLERAAAATE!!!!!’

Why are Daleks always screaming?  Perhaps they have permanent road rage.

It's finally snowing!

You know, I didn't think it would even snow this winter.  I mean, it's been three months since our last freak snowstorm in october and it's the middle of January and all--so where was our snow? 

Somewhere else, obviously. 

Also, I had an inside track to know how bad this winter was going to be, and lots of snow was not forecast.  And I remember winters with hardly any snow, and after last year, was I going to complain?  Nope.  Shoveling snow is evil.  Evil I tell you.  Especially when you're doing it every three days.  And your snow piles have turned into snow mountains.  And you just can't fling it up any higher so you don't really have a path any more b/c all the snow avalanched down off your snow mountains. 

Anyone else have a winter like that last year?

So when our oak tree told us that this winter would be a light one, I was relieved.

And yes, you heard me right: our oak tree told us.  No I am not crazy.

~Liar.
Don't you start with me right now.

As I said, not crazy, just clever.  :)  Because every year our oak tree drops a proportionate amount of acorns to how hard a winter we're going to have.  Big evil snow winter?  We have to sweep the acorns off the lawn and wear helmets out our front door to keep from getting brained.

--You didn't.
I didn't what?
--Wear a helmet. 
I was speaking metaphorically, it's supposed to be funny. 
--But you didn't.
Sigh.  I'm speaking to the wrong one, aren't I?
~'snicker.'  Yup.  Helmet--funny--check.  Though what you did do was even funnier.
It worked.
~Delusional.
Two years it's worked.
~Do you know what she did?
!Acorns!  I love acorns!
Acorn whistles are the best.
!I know!
~Back to you being so embarrassingly odd--
Fine.  But I command you not to say anything.
~That only works on Mr. Logical.  Anyway, what she did was this: at the start of acorn dropping season, she had a talk with the tree. 
Do we have to do this?
~She stood in the yard and told it not to drop any acorns on her head or else she would get really mad.  But if it didn't, they were all right.
So?
~You stood in your yard and talked to your oak tree.  I believe you were saying you weren't crazy...?
It worked, didn't it?  Two years, and that tree hasn't dropped a single acorn on my head.
--Odds.
What?
--It's just the odds. Big tree, big yard, you're only walking to and from your car in a short span of time, so the odds were in your favor.
Raindrops hit me all the time from that tree.  Big drippy ones that go splat.
!Splat!
Exactly.
--If we were to do the math on the amount of acorns dropping from a tree on an average year vs. the amount of rain in an average storm--
Number one, not an average year for acorns last year.  Number two, be quiet.
--...
~So she stood out in the yard and--
I think we're done here.
!I like the oak tree!  It got hit by lightning and is still alive! 
Sigh.

Back to the oak tree being smarter than weathermen--this year we hardly had any acorns drop.  And when I mean hardly any, I mean we saw one or two on the yard and heard stories about tree scientists getting worried about why all the trees weren't dropping acorns this year, and if it meant something was horribly horribly wrong with the ecosystem.  I am happy to tell the tree-scientists that there is nothing wrong with the oak tree population.  They're just smarter than we are and don't see the point of seeding out too much if the winter is mild.

And when I say mild I mean still cold but without all the evil amounts of snow.  'Cause it's January already and this is our first snow of winter.  (October doesn't count).  Here's hoping February is correspondingly nice.  (I hate February).

And happy birthday James Earl Jones!  You're 81!  Please don't die on us.  What would the world be like without Darth Vader?