Friday Apology

Drat it, I've really got to stop this from becoming a habit. 

But you see, yesterday was the first night of Passover, and that's a pretty big deal in my family.  We all get together and eat lots of food and talk about how grateful we are that we aren't slaves in Egypt anymore. 

Sounds simple, right?

Not right.

Number one, we don't live very close, so we have to make a trip to get together.  Number two, when I say lots of food, I mean Jewish quantities of food--as in, it's not a feast unless there's food enough for three times the amount of people who are there.  Number three, the Haggadah.  This directs the Passover Seder and you read through it to commemorate what happened those thousands of years ago.  Only we seem to talk less about the actual story, and more about arguing over obscure passages and what basic words mean.  (very Jewish)

Don't misunderstand me: I am all for Passover.  I appreciate the idea of having a holiday that remembers what happened to my people thousands of years ago.  I'm grateful that I'm not a slave in Egypt.  I'm grateful to be alive. 

I'm less grateful to be participating in what I call 'Jewish Algebra' every year. 

The part of the Haggadah I most object to is where Talmudic scholars argue about how many plagues God sent against Egypt.  For those of you with a smattering of bible knowledge, you know that the answer is 10.  Apparently the Talmudic scholars couldn't leave it there--they were Jewish and had to argue about everything--because there's a three page section talking about 'the finger of God' sending ten plagues, so therefore when the 'Hand of God' shows up, it must mean at least fifty plagues--and so on and so on, until we could possibly end up with the Egyptians suffering from 250 plagues. 

Now, if you are interested in what various scholars throughout time thought of the Passover, this is a mildly interesting section. 

However, do we have to read this same passage every year?  It doesn't really add to the miracle of Passover (whether God sent 10 plagues or 250, we still got out of there) and it seems like the Talmudic scholars are just trying to play 'God Loves Us Best Because He Sent Even More Plagues Against The Egyptians.'  Yes Talmudic scholars, the Jews are the Chosen People.  What exactly made God choose us, however, is up for grabs.  (personally I think it was because we're the most stubborn and argumentative people on the planet.  God knew that if he could just get the basic rules through our thick skulls we'd never ever forget them)  So please stop wallowing in your self-importance. 

Was that a bit harsh?  Maybe.  But perhaps I just have trouble fake-arguing the same points every year just for the sake of tradition.  Not that I'm against tradition.  I just like my tradition to mean something more than a forced recitation of centuries old arguments.