Well, I'm back.

And as Samwise said this with a mixture of contentedness and sadness, so I echo his words.

Well, I'm back.

Did you miss me?  ;)

I'm sorry the break was twice as long as I said it would be.  I was having a bit too much fun not worrying about posting.  Sorry.  Sort of.  I enjoyed having a break so I can't be completely sorry about doing it.  Moving on.

I've given some thought to how I want to keep going on with this blog.  I feel I may have overextended myself with posting 6 times a week--not that writing six times a week is truly difficult, but writing something interesting 6 times a week is.  I don't like filler.  I don't like reading something that was obviously written to pass time--so why should I inflict things like that on you?

I shouldn't, that's why.

So from here on out the format of this blog will be a little different.  At bare minimum I'll be posting 3 times a week.  But if I have fun things to say etc. I'll post more often.

I hope this works better.

:)

Wednesday Word: Hiatus

Hiatus: a break or interruption in continuity.

If I'm perfectly honest with myself I need a hiatus from writing this blog.  I've managed to keep to my goal of six posts a week for six months--six months!  I know I've slipped up and sometimes done two a day to make up for it, and I'm really sorry about those days.  They seem to be happening more and more often.

I'm taking it as a sign that I need a short break to get my head back together.  I know it's probably just a brief downer spell--I feel as if I can't write anything worthwhile or interesting.  And lets be honest, most of my recent work has been less than good.

I'm sorry for taking this break on you all.  Lets give it a week.  Hopefully I'll feel better by then.

How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?

At least once more, it appears.

Sorry.  :(

I went travelling and didn't get an internet connection last night so I didn't post.

I'm really sorry.

~What are you talking about?  It's not like anyone noticed.  No one checks your blog every day so who'd notice if you miss a few?  It's not like anyone's counting on you for anything.
!I notice!  I care!

Thanks Enthusiasm.  I know you care.

!I do!  I really really do!
~So Enthusiasm cares.  What doesn't Enthusiasm care about?
--Curtains.
!Blech!
--Enthusiasm does not care about curtains.
~Spoilsport.
--You asked.
~I didn't ask you.  And besides, it was rhetorical.
--Ah.
~What do you mean, ah?
--To continue the conversation any further would result in further illogical statements made by you.  I choose not to continue.
~Why you little-

Boys boys!

~Don't you take that tone with me!
!Are we having a fight?!
~And you're not invited!
_Don't upset Enthusiasm, Snark.  And stop bickering with Logic.
~Mr. Logic can fight for himself, Calm.
--We've been over this.  To label me as 'male is incorrect--
~Stuff it.
_You are being far too rude.  This conversation is over.

Okay.  Umm, I guess the general consensus is we're through.  :)  Sorry I didn't post.  I'll try to do better.

My Hovercraft Is Full Of Eels

If you are confused by that statement above, be not ashamed.  A very short time ago I was also as ignorant of it, but I can promise you enlightenment if you read further.  

I happened across this phrase I know not where.  It might have been in a movie or a tv show I watched.  It could have been on a blog or in an article I read.  But wherever it was that I heard/read it, the phrase was unexplained and completely inexplicable.  Being curious I looked it up and found far more than I bargained for.

This video will explain.  (and for those of you who need to know what something is before you watch it, it is a Monty Python sketch.  As such it is somewhat naughty.  Just so you know.)

As you can see, the trouble arises from a phrasebook that does not give accurate translations.  Ha.

But as I was learning all about the mysteries of the Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook, I also was made aware of a real life equivalent: 'English As She Is Spoke,' a Portuguese phrasebook which was published in 1883.  Not only does this book actually exist, but its phrases almost surpass the carefully planned idiocy that is the Monty Python sketch.

Here are a few of my favorites.

Help-to a little most the better your terms

Have you forgeted me?

Dress my horse.

Why you no helps me to?

Take the bloom’s perfume.

You hear the bird’s gurgling?

        ‘For A Conversation With A Hair Dresser’

            -Your razors are them well?

            Yes Sir.

            -Comb-me quickly, don’t put me so much pomatum.  What news tell me?  All hair dressers are news-mongers.

            Sir, I have no heard any thing

Who I would be if I was know it!

It is difficult to enjoy well so much several languages

He sin in trouble water

He has a good beak

With a tongue one go to Roma

Take out the live coals with the hand of the cat

Burn the politeness

This wood is full of thief’s

He has spit in my coat

I have mind to vomit

Have you understanded?

Go Here if you would like to read the entire book in all its glory.  

 

And if you didn't laugh a single time while reading that then you must have had your sense of humor surgically removed by angry clowns.  I'm so sorry.

So as I leave you now I must ask, 'Have you understanded?'  For 'It is difficult to enjoy well so much several languages.'

:)

This wood is full of thief's.

Heehee.


(and congrats to me!  This is my 100th blog post!  Whee!!!!)

Thursday Apology

I am so sorry that I didn't post today.  And by today I mean Thursday, even though I'm now posting very early Friday morning.  I didn't have time to post this morning (Thursday morning) and I was gone all day and couldn't post until I got home.  (which is just now).

Please accept my apology.

And because you are all such wonderful people and deserve a laugh at my expense, I'll show you some of the truly appallingly strange things I've said over the years.

'It's times like this I wish I could levitate.'

'How did the weather feel today?'

'Aliens are people too!'
-No, they're not.

'You're not crazy, I just see things.'

'It's not a cd, it's mental.'

'I wouldn't hit you that hard with a hammer.'

'Oh!  So that's what is sounds like when you electrify a cello!'

'If you look up at the clouds, it looks like they're falling down instead of sideways.'

'An alligator ate my amigdala.  I want to be afraid, but I can't.'



Enjoy.  And for all you who know me, feel free to remind me of any I've missed.  :)

Monday Musing: Review

So it's been a while since our regularly scheduled Monday Musing.  I hope you haven't minded that Tabitha was taking up all the space. 

On that remark, any thoughts?  I know I've got to start my second round of edits to tighten it up some more, but after that I'll be starting to seriously consider sending it out into the publishing world.  I know I have several options.

1.  Typical: get an agent and have them shop the book around.
     -Pros: the agent does all the marketing and things I hate to do and am really bad at.  They get a real publisher to look at my book and possibly publish it.
     -Cons: I have to pay the agent and the publisher a large amount of whatever I make off my book.  So unless I sell thousands of copies, I make next to nothing.

2.  I publish online all by myself.
     -Pros: I don't have to spend very much to get it out into the world, and other people can buy it for cheap, which will lead to more people buying it.
     -Cons: I have to do all the marketing myself.   Brrgh. 

3.  I try to shop the book around to real publishers all by myself.
    -Pros: not paying for an agent.
    -Cons: real publishers don't read unsolicited manuscripts, and if a publisher picks me up (somehow) then I have to pay for an agent anyway.

So far option number 2 (do it all myself) is the likeliest one I'll pick.  Because even though it might not work all that well, I won't lose any money by trying. 

But if I were to try option 3 (look for a publisher myself) I'd likely send Tabitha overseas.  I've got a hunch it might do slightly better over there, at least at first.  Of course I could be horribly wrong.  That's always possible.

It's just all so incredibly frustrating!  I know it's a stereotype that artists are horrible at business and selling their art etc, but I seem to be falling straight into that--do not pass go, do not collect $200.  (ooh, $200.  Please?)

My sister gave me some wonderful advice about how to connect with other people online and really get into the blogging community so that I can self-promote.  My sister is amazingly smart and good at that sort of thing. 

I, on the other hand, wiggle and squirm and make faces and pout horribly whenever I'm told I have to interact with other living beings--ones I don't know, that is.  Somehow it feels so much worse to bother someone I don't know at all, as opposed to bothering my friends and family relentlessly.  (how many of you have actually finished reading my book?  Hmm?? :)  ) 

I feel like as soon as I say anything to promote myself, I'll sound like an arrogant self-obsessed moron. 

I hate arrogant self-obsessed morons.  I don't wanna be an arrogant self-obsessed moron!

'pout.'

Instead I now just sound like a whiny self-obsessed moron.  Grr.

But when I think about shoving myself into other people's blogs just in the hope that someone will notice me and read my stuff, I get all panicky and I find myself breathing really fast and the only thing I can think to do is crank some music and play another 50 rounds of spider solitaire.

It's not the rejection I'm afraid of: I've been ready for my writing to be rejected since I was 12.  (lots of people with bad taste out there, donchaknow.  :)  )  I'm okay with that part.  You don't like what I write?  Okay.  Your opinion. 

The thing I'm really afraid of is ruining someone else's day.  No, really. 

The smallest of actions can have the largest of impacts, and I'm afraid that my self-aggrandizing actions could have a seriously negative effect on someone, which leads to their having a bad morning, which leads to a bad day where they yell at their co-workers who all have a bad day who all go home and kick their dogs and are mean to their spouses and kids--etc etc etc, the cycle keeps going on.  And it's all my fault.

Wow, I just reread that and I came to the conclusion that not only am I an arrogant self-obsessed moron, I'm giving myself way too much credit.  I mean, it is possible that one of my actions could adversely effect someone which leads to a negative chain of events---but!  That also precludes the idea that no one out there is able to shrug off a bad day and control their own emotional state of mind. 

Oh, wait, I live in a very insecure society where no one is taught how to do things like that...drat it, I was feeling better for a moment--

No!  I will not give in!  As much as I might have the potential to ruin someone's life, I cannot take sole responsibility for it!  It is not my fault if they have a bad day, and their actions are a result of their behavior: not mine. 

Don't give yourself too much credit.  Don't give yourself too much credit.  The world is a wide and wondrous place.  Don't give yourself too much credit.  Don't give yourself too much credit.

This shall become my new mantra whenever I'm panicking about ruining people's lives because I made a slightly self-promoting comment somewhere.  Maybe it'll work.  :)

Thanks for listening.  I'm sorry it was such a mess, but I really needed to work through that.

привет

Today I thought I'd take the time to thank all of my readers who live abroad.  You all seem to live in Russia.  I have no idea how you heard about my blog (or what random site misdirected you here) but if you are in fact reading this because you want to--спасибо.  


Here ends my attempts to smoothly work google-translated words into my post.  (possibly.  Unless I think of something else I want to say in Russian.  Russian is fun!)


As a reward for all my non-Russian readers for sticking with the random Cyrillic words, I now offer you these:


Humbuggery!  Plate!  Discombobulate!  Fascist!  (which sounds like it really ought to be about fashion people.  Or face doctors.  Or--oh, drat it, now I'm imagining someone with a lithp trying to say Fascist.  I mean, Fathitht)


And in other news, The Hobbit has cast another member of Jackson's merry band: Dain Ironfoot will be played by Billy Connolly!  







This should be absolutely brilliant.










Yay Hobbit!


до свидания!