A few Haikus

Yes, it is that time again.  I've amassed quite a lot of possum haikus--I keep forgetting to bring in my car notebook so they keep piling up.

Onward, for the cause!


Possum near my house
it seems you have strayed too near
my humble abode.


Nearly flat possum
you're lucky my brakes are good
or you would be dead.


Possum rank and vile--
the smell of your body as
it hits my tire.


Fast running possum,
Olympian of your breed;
I'd give you the gold.


So well-bred possum--
dainty foot held in the air.
A picture of poise.

The Bourne Legacy Review

Downsides to letting your brain talk back to you

'me going up into the spider infested attic to fetch something for parents'

I'm fine, I'm fine.  It's safe, I'm safe--

'other half of my brain refuses to stay silent'

Lies.  Bold faced lies.

'whimper.'

I pledge myself to the Zombie Brotherhood, and solemnly swear not to eat a fellow member...

There is just one thing that puzzles me about Zombie movies.

'Only one thing?  How can that be?  Is it that you don't believe in Zombies?'

Nope.

'Is it that you don't think its possible for a disease to spread that quickly?'

Nope.

'Do you not believe that the undead would be hungry for flesh?'

Nope.

'Then what is it??'

Why don't Zombies eat each other?  Or themselves?  I mean, if we've gone through all the trouble of putting on our Suspenders of Disbelief and watching a Zombie movie why can't the plot at least be consistent inside its own world?  All right, we've got the undead walking around starving for human flesh (I've never seen them chasing dogs or cats, have you?  Or hanging out in supermarkets eating all the raw meat) so for some reason they've turned cannibalistic, but for another strange reason they won't eat each other?  Why?  It's like a walking buffet.

'Shuffle shuffle' 'groan' oh look, that guy next to me seems tasty 'munch munch' 'shuffle shuffle' 'groan'

Are they supposed to be like bears?  Bears won't eat dead things, they like their food fresh that they killed themselves.

So how come when someone is bitten or gnawed on a bit as soon as they Zombify all the other Zombies lose interest in them and move on to new targets?  It's almost instantaneous.  I don't think a bear would be that casual about his food.  'You're dead now?  Good, I get to eat more of you.'

Just once I'd live to see a Zombie movie that treats them more like sharks.  Someone's dead?  Eat them!  Oh wait, I'm dead.  Eat me!  I'm tasty, mmmm.  He's dead too!  Eat him too!  Mmm, tasty dead person.  Flesh! Eat more flesh!

The movie might be shorter then.  All the Zombies wouldn't get very far after they'd eaten each other to bits.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

For Avengers 2 has been green-lit!

And in the wonderful wisdomly wiseness of Marvel they have given it to Joss Whedon again.  :)  :D

Rejoice!

And do not overly mourn the long long long wait we will have to wait.  (2015!)  It will be good, and worth the wait.



Joss also seems to be signed on with Marvel to do something with a tv show.  How intriguing.  Hopefully more news will be forthcoming.



(and on another side note) I just learned that Tom Hardy (Bane, in the new Batman, and a whole host of other well-played roles) is doing a reboot of Mad Max.  Mel Gibson doing crazy was always a favorite of mine, and imagining Tom Hardy doing Mel Gibson-y crazy (or even a new sort of crazy) is a delicious thought.  This has potential.  :)

I feel like smiling, don't you?

Perhaps this will make you smile.

Or maybe you're of a more literary persuasion when it comes to humor:

Or maybe you enjoy science jokes:

Or maybe you just wish that you were having a good time like these people:

I hope at least one of these things made you smile.

If they did not I must conclude that you have no sense of humor.  Sorry.

Listen up, all you folks on the road!

(50’s radio announcer voice)  

A service announcement for all of you out on the road today: today is Bad Driving Day!  Ways of celebrating Bad Driving Day include making at least one bad driving decision every five minutes.  See someone on the road not making a bad driving decision?  Help them out by pulling in front of them without signaling!  It’ll really get them in the mood to celebrate Bad Driving Day properly!  Remember, you don’t want to get caught driving properly on Bad Driving Day.  So don’t drive safely, drive badly! 

Is she fast?

(me, driving along on my paper route this morning)

Wow, this is going great.  I'm doing this really fast today--uncannily fast.  It's like I'm doing the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs!

(yep.  I really did think that)

Happy Birthday!

This isn't much of a post mostly because its sole purpose is to wish Peter O'Toole a happy birthday.

Happy Birth Day Peter O'Toole!  We are so very very happy you were born 80 years ago and are still alive today.

Please stay alive as long as possible.

Thanks.  :)

August Movie Bonanza!!!!!

(only crazy people ever use that many exclamation points)

(huh)

It's August!  And that means more movies are coming out!

Well, there's always more movies coming out.  I just find it easier to think about them on a monthly basis.  'Quork?'

That made no sense.  Moving on.


Bourne Legacy: Opens August 10th.  You might be excited about this.  You might not.  There are reasonable arguments for both sides.  You might be excited because this is a new Bourne movie.  You might be angry because it's not actually about Jason Bourne but this new guy 'Aaron Cross' (aka Jeremy Renner whose shown himself to have very decent acting chops as well as action chops (how many chops are there?  And since chops either refers to some sort of ability or your jaw area, how many jaws can you have?  Freaky))  I'm excited.  The Bourne series has always had good plots and good acting and good action, so I'm willing to stake some hope on it.

And the most recent trailer is awesome.  Just saying.

Hope Springs: August 10th as well.  This is an 'I'll watch it on DVD if at all' sort of movie.  And that's based solely on it being Tommy Lee Jones.  And Meryl Streep.  And the premise being sort of funny and not all that bad.  So yeah.  I think it could be worth a little time of my life.  Might even get slotted into the 'enjoyable' section.  :)

Expendables 2: Ausust 17th.  I don't know what you're expecting, but I hope it's not plot.  I'm not expecting plot.  I'm expecting explosions--lots of explosions.  And knives.  And guns.  And cool action movie kicks.  And the greatest lineup of action movie stars since Expendables 1.  Shiny.

The Odd Life of Timothy Green: August 17th.  A married couple who haven't been able to have a kid write down lots of wishes in a box and bury it in their backyard.  Voila!  A small boy covered in dirt shows up in their house and claims to be their son.  Do we question this?  No!  It is magic!  It is wonderful!  It is a fairy tale that looks like lots of fun and snuggly moments.  :)

Premium Rush: August 25th.  Watch Joseph Gordon-Levitt on a bicycle get chased around the city by an angry corrupt cop.  If the trailer is anything to go on there will be cool bicycle tricks.  I do not think this is a 'must see in a theater' movie, so I'll wait very patiently to see it on DVD.

Lawless: August 31st.  Period movie!  Prohibition!  Tom Hardy and Shia Lebeof selling illegal liquor!  Lots of machine guns and angry government people in cool suits and hats!  Yep.  Again, not much of a 'must see now' sort of thing--I think--but this is one I'll be waiting a little more impatiently for.


August movie bonanza!

Plethora of Possums

And you know what that means--

More Possum Haikus!


Little Possum rush--
you have things to do tonight,
like not getting killed.


I slow for possum
he reverses direction
I must wait longer.


Possum foraging--
have you found anything good
that you want to eat?


Slink away Possum
into the tall grass and hide
from the death that drives.

Na na na na na na na na BatFail!

Yes.  That's supposed to be a Batman symbol.  I think.







And here's another lovely picture of something I pass everyday while I work:

Or as I prefer to call it: Ood Way.  This way to the Oods!  This is the Ood way of living!  Only Oods live here!

Quite right too.

Telegrams from a Medieval War

Dragon bite festers STOP Must eat cow liver STOP Tastes terrible STOP Be home soon STOP


Langley got impaled on his own lance STOP Held funeral STOP I get his armor STOP Tad got his horse STOP Lucky Tad STOP


Dragon set camp on fire STOP We killed dragon STOP Dragon steaks cooked on Dragon flame tastes good STOP All men sick with stomach ache STOP


Tell Mom not to worry STOP I only lost one leg STOP Richard lost both STOP I hate camels STOP

One of a kind

I've always thought that Abraham Lincoln has a very distinct look

Aside from his natty beard and top hat of course.

It's something to do with his cheekbones and high forehead--something I've never seen on someone else.  Some people get close, but no one truly ever looks like Abraham Lincoln.  I've always wondered why--did the high-cheekbones-and-high-forehead genetic stock somehow die out?

Apparently not.

It just hasn't been in America.

Meet Christopher Eccleston.

He's British.  And if he was given the right beard and hairstyle we'd have a dead ringer for Abraham Lincoln.

Or maybe I just need sleep.

Night.  :)

Aieeeee!!!

As I travel abroad I fear for the safety and well-being of Roger and myself; it seems everywhere I look I see the black-striped forms of skunks--perilous as such a sight is, they are horribly adorable--and as they waddle away from Roger and myself I wait in terrified anticipation for the moment that tail lifts to deliver its near-fatal blow from which it will be difficult to recover.

I pray it never occurs.

Well, I'm back.

And as Samwise said this with a mixture of contentedness and sadness, so I echo his words.

Well, I'm back.

Did you miss me?  ;)

I'm sorry the break was twice as long as I said it would be.  I was having a bit too much fun not worrying about posting.  Sorry.  Sort of.  I enjoyed having a break so I can't be completely sorry about doing it.  Moving on.

I've given some thought to how I want to keep going on with this blog.  I feel I may have overextended myself with posting 6 times a week--not that writing six times a week is truly difficult, but writing something interesting 6 times a week is.  I don't like filler.  I don't like reading something that was obviously written to pass time--so why should I inflict things like that on you?

I shouldn't, that's why.

So from here on out the format of this blog will be a little different.  At bare minimum I'll be posting 3 times a week.  But if I have fun things to say etc. I'll post more often.

I hope this works better.

:)

Wednesday Word: Hiatus

Hiatus: a break or interruption in continuity.

If I'm perfectly honest with myself I need a hiatus from writing this blog.  I've managed to keep to my goal of six posts a week for six months--six months!  I know I've slipped up and sometimes done two a day to make up for it, and I'm really sorry about those days.  They seem to be happening more and more often.

I'm taking it as a sign that I need a short break to get my head back together.  I know it's probably just a brief downer spell--I feel as if I can't write anything worthwhile or interesting.  And lets be honest, most of my recent work has been less than good.

I'm sorry for taking this break on you all.  Lets give it a week.  Hopefully I'll feel better by then.

Books books books!

I've had one of the most profitable library trips in a long time.  I got three books out and each of them turned out a treat.  :)

Mastiff, by Tamora Pierce.  Third in her Beka Cooper series.  I wanted to read it just for the sake of completionism, and not because the others had been any good.  (Keladry was the last good thing she did).  But this turned out very very well.  I enjoyed it far more than I thought I would, and even though it bore a few too many similarities to her other stories--at least it was similar to the good parts of her other stories.

Changes, by Mercedes Lackey.  Third in her Collegium Chronicles series.  I have to say this series is shaping up far better than the Owlsight quad--but honestly anything that will give me more time with Valdemar is a good thing.  :)  So many good bits--interrupted by so-so bits--and enough mystery to keep me wishing she'd just hurry up and tell me because I'm feeling tortured over here.  Hmph.

Snuff, by Sir Terry Pratchett.  Discworld!  And it's all about Vimes!  Yay Vimes!  A little less yay for this book because I don't think it quite holds up to the finesse of the others.  The writing is choppy and a little too much deus ex machina for my taste, but Pratchett always delivers a good time.  And even though this might sound a little horrible--the man has alzheimers, and he's still writing, so I don't really mind at all if this book isn't as good as others.  Pratchett is wonderful, as is his world.

Wheeee!!  Books!

Reasons to love Terry Pratchett

The moment you realize that the country of Djelibeybey is a slurred form of the word 'Jellybaby.'  Which makes you also realize that Pratchett is probably a Tom Baker fan.

Samuel Vimes.  (no further explanation needed)

Reaver Reading Parties

'If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh and sew our skins into their clothing. And if we're very very lucky, they'll do it in that order.'


Has there ever been a more chilling introduction to a villain?  I can't think of one.  In no other context would I ever assume that getting raped to death would be a mercy--except here.  I think that's part of why it's so scary.  As a female in this modern society I am almost hyper-aware that at any time in public I could be assaulted and raped.  This is seen as one of the very worst things that could happen to someone--and rightly so.  

So if you introduce a villain who'll do this scary worst-of-the-worst thing to you, and then have it be more merciful than anything else they'd do to you, it's mindbogglingly terrifying.  

But even though I find this statement horrifying and even though the thought of Reavers is enough to make me tremble, I would like to raise a small quibble.

Not a very large quibble.  But it occurred to me that I have difficulty imagining part of the above statement.  I don't have trouble imagining the raping, or the death, or the eating of the flesh (is it sad or scary that I have little trouble imagining these things?)

What I have trouble imagining is the sewing our skins into their clothing.  It's not that I have trouble with the concept of people using human skin as clothing--it's an icky thought but perfectly acceptable for your big evil baddie.  

However let us recap.

Reavers are scary.  We've established this.  

Reavers are in a state of perpetual rage and bloodthirsty impulses.  We've seen this in both Firefly and Serenity.

I would like to know what part of scary perpetual rage and bloodthirsty impulses lends itself to sewing projects.

I mean, I have trouble enough finishing ordinary sewing projects when I'm not emotionally compromised by frustration or impatience.  Let alone scary perpetual rage and bloodthirsty impulses.  How do you sew like that?  How would an angry scary Reaver sew?  It's like trying to imagine Orcs doing sewing projects.  It just doesn't seem right.

Would they carefully flay/cut all the skin off first to get the most out of it?  Or are they into the cut pieces off and make it work style of sewing?  Do they actually technically sew with needles or do they use things like staple guns to make it stay together?  I can imagine Reavers angrily stapling things together.

We don't expect Reavers to show any other form of domesticity--why sewing?  When they eat our flesh off our bodies I don't think we expect them to cook it first in a nice wine sauce.  I highly doubt they're much for cleaning house and it boggles the mind to try to think of them knitting a scarf.  Unless it were with human intestines.  And even then I doubt they'd have the patience for it (angry knitting!)

So yeah.  As much as it shames me to say it, even my vivid imagination has trouble imagining Reavers doing sewing projects.