Oh no. Oh no no no. This is bad. This is very very bad. You--you just touched my skin. I'm sorry. I'm so very very sorry. But you're going to die now.
What? No, no--you don't understand. That wasn't a threat. Please listen to me! You've been infected with a Horribly Infectious And Deadly Skin Disease.
No! This isn't some sort of joke! You're going to die! And unless you're all alone in this world I suggest you get on your cell phone and call the people you love and tell them that you've only got a few hours to live.
That's what I said: a few hours.
No, no you can't! Weren't you listening? I said it was a Horribly Infectious and Deadly Skin Disease! If you go see your family you'll probably infect them too. One touch, that's all it takes. And in a few hours you'll rapidly develop bloody boils and explosive pustules full of pus--and then you'll die.
Why aren't I dead yet? I'm immune. I'm just the carrier.
Hold on now, there's no need for that sort of language. Why should I be the one wearing gloves? How was I supposed to know you were going to reach for the last bottle of chocolate syrup at the same time as me?
By the way, now that you've got HIADSD and are about to die, do you really need that? 'Cause I was just at a party and we ran out of chocolate syrup, and we could really use--
Oh, thanks, thanks very much! Have a nice day!
:-P
ReplyDeleteOh, you.