There's been a bit of talk recently about how much Michael Bay has been or is about to destroy people's childhoods. What with the utter ruination that the Transformer movies became--and with the upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot--Bay's got fans of all ages up in arms and in a rage.
Personally my feeling was always, 'What's that got to do with me?' I never watched either series growing up, but as a fan of other things I felt their pain. It's a hard day when Hollywood takes an interest in your nostalgia and tries to make it 'better.'
I've got news for you, Hollywood. You can't make nostalgia better. That's why it's nostalgia.
'a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.' (thank you dictionary.com)
You can't make that better. Nostalgia is a longing for the way things were, not the new and improved revised editions.
But why should I care about what Michael Bay is doing, right? It's no skin off my childhood's nose. Right?
Wrong.
Very wrong.
Lets rewind my life by a few hours. I've just had a whim. I know it's a whim I'll likely regret--I know where it'll lead--but I also know I'll enjoy it in a shiny 'ooh the pretty lights' sort of way.
I made the decision to watch Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon.
I know, I know, bad decision. I'll admit that. I knew it was going to be bad. Everyone around the world has said how bad it was. But I'm a bit of a completionist and I'd watched the other two, so....
It was bad. That's nothing new. It was bad from the first thirty seconds. All right, it takes a special bit of bad to ruin a movie in the first thirty seconds, but all right. I knew it would be bad. Time passes. Robots explode. Buildings explode. A world explodes. There's bad acting. More bad acting. Bad plot devices. Bad slo-mo. Bad everything.
But in the middle of all that, there's a ray of happy fun. I suddenly hear the voice of Leonard Nimoy out of Sentinel Prime. I'd probably known that he was in this ages ago, but I'd forgotten that fact so it was a happy discovery. I love Leonard Nimoy. Leonard Nimoy was part of my childhood. I can do the Vulcan salute. I'm a born Trekkie. Leonard Nimoy deserves to take over the world! Well, what do you know? He is! All right, it's a bit of a bummer he's the bad guy, but still. Leonard Nimoy!
And then it hits. Then Michael Bay does something so unforgivable that I will now join in with the legions of outraged fans around the world and place his name on my hate-pedestal. He joins Mosquitoes, Fox (curse you!), and Jar-Jar Binks. Things I will hate in perpetuity till the end of time.
Because do you know what Michael Bay did? He wasn't content with ruining only one strata of childhood nostalgia at a time, oh no. He went for the big leagues: he went for the big double.
He made Leonard Nimoy say one line too many. And I'm betting he did it for a lark, because it was so funny, because it was Leonard Nimoy! and it's a famous line after all. Into Sentinel Prime's mouth and with Leonard Nimoy's voice Michael Bay ruined my childhood with one line:
'The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.'
Or the one. (what trekkie can allow that line to go unfinished?)
What that line stands for--what that line means--is a great big ball of epic that can't be contained by any one movie or person or galaxy. That line is everything! Everything!
And Michael Bay put it in Transformer's 3 in the mouth of a traitor.
Weep, humanity. Weep.
And while you're at it break out your torches and pitchforks. We've got a visit to pay. Because there's nothing scarier than a bunch of crazed weeping geeks waving torches and pitchforks. In Michael Bay's bed room.
(and Happy Birthday Nathan Fillion! You're alive! I think this is something we can all celebrate!)
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